T. Wannee (Part 2)

Fiction by | March 20, 2023

Natunong to nga wala koy klase sa First Period ug siya ang sa unang nitudlo sa Prathom 6/1 nga mao puy iyang advisory. Kani diayng Prathom 5 ug 6 nga akong pagatudluan, adunay lima ka seksyon matag grado. Ug ang kada seksyon adunay 35 ngadto sa 40 ka mga estudyante.

Samtang gasulat og writing exercises sa pisara si T. Wannee aron pagakopyahon ug pagatubagon sa iyang mga tinun-an, adunay usa ka tambokikoy nga lalaki nga nagmugna pud og iyang salida. Ungas kaayo ni og panagway. Makaingon ka nga mahimo ning barumbado bataa kon dili magtarong og eskweyla. Gapunay kini og pangdistorbo sa iyang mga kasaring. Kon dili kuwaderno, bolpen ang kuhaon niini. Usahay pud, maggama kini og papel nga eroplano ug unya ipalupad padulong sa iyang target. Mahikurat nalang tawon ang nagdiniyos og kopya kay adunay nihagsa nga abyon sa iyang nawong.

Duna puy higayon nga nagpakita kini sa iyang abilidad nga daw nagpalupad siya og tabanog. Sa makadaghang higayon, gisaka-kanaog niya iyang wala nga kamot. Inay nga gikumo,  nihimog dakong lungag ang maong kamot timailhan nga naghawid siya og lambo. Apan sukwahi sa iyang panagway ang imong masaksihan. Mora man kini og gilamian. Kon buot hunahunaon, gapalupad raman unta siya og tabanog. Kanus-a gud mahitabo nga mosulirap ang mata sa magpalupad og tabanog? Tuod man, nasaba ug naukay ang tibuok klase.

Nihatag og unang warning si T. Wannee pinagi sa pagpahilom kanila samtang padayon kining gasulat. Naigking ug nahilom ang tanan kay daw sama siya sa usa ka kumander nga nimando sa iyang batalyon. Naundang pud ang tambokikoy sa iyang pasundayag. Modagan pod og singko minutos diin ang imuhang madunggan sulod sa maong lawak-saringanan mao lamang ang pagpakli sa panid sa kuwaderno. O kaha ang diyotay nga agiot sa lamesa ug lingkuranan sa mga tinun-an.

Gitan-aw dayon kos tambokikoy nga nagbungisngis sama sa irong buang samtang naglingkod kini. Nidali og sulat sa papel gamit ang asul nga marker pen ug iyang gipabasa nako, ‘C H A K W O W’.

Nikunot akong agtang kay wala ko kasabot sa iyang gisulat. Abtik kaayo niyang nabasa akong ekspresyon. Nibalik kini pag-arte sa pagpalupad og tabanog uban sa pagsulirap sa iyang mga mata. Niining higayona, gapanilap pa ang tunto!

Wala pa niirog og ikaunom nga minuto, nibalik napod sa naandang pagbinuang ang tambokikoy. Niining higayona, laing binuhat napud iyang gibiktima. Nasaba napod pagbalik ang maong klase. Hastang agik-ik sa tambokikoy nga morag gigitik sa dili ingon nato.

Ug sa ikaduhang higayon, gibadlong napod sila pagbalik ni T. Wannee. Kon unsa kaisog ang unang pagbadlong, nisamot kini. Natul-id ug nitisar ang tanan. Apan ang tambokikoy gakinengkoy. Giawat niini ang postura sa maestra samtang padayon kining gasulat. Nindot ra ba kaayo og agi si T. Wannee. Bugnaw ug hamugaway sa panan-aw ang iyang pinakatay. “Smooth as Thai silk”, matod pa.

Tungod sa klase sa salida nga gipakita sa tambokikoy, nagmuok-muok og katawa ang kadaghan sa mga tinun-an. Hilabihan niyang kurata kay kalit nga nihagsa ug nilagapak ang papas sa walang bahin sa iyang liog. Nagkamurecheng iyang nawong ug nagkatisas ang unipormeng puti nga adunay mubo nga manggas ug asul nga shorts.

Didto nako unang nasaksihan ang kabangis ni T. Wannee. Nisiga iyang mata sa hilabihang kasuko. Girapido niyag pasa-Thai ang tambokikoy. Wala koy kabangkaagan sa ilahang pinulongan. Dili gani ko kahibalo mobasa ug mosulat aning ilahang alpabeto nga murag bitok gahiko-hiko. Apan sa gipakitang gawi ni T. Wannee, mora gyud siya’g gipanulayan sa tumang kasuko.

Abi nakog mohilom ang tambokikoy. O kaha mangayo og pasaylo. Kay sa kulturang Tayutay, daw sama sa monghe ang ilahang pagtahud sa magtutudlo. Naunsa ba nga nitubag ug nitibad man hinuon kini kang T. Wannee. Gidali dayon niya pag-adto ang tibaran sa iyang nahimutangan nga padulong ng molingkod. Gidapog niya ang likod niini. Kusog kaayo. Nilagubo gud. Morag nataktak ang baga.

Apan wala matandog ang tambokikoy. Padayon gihapon siya sa iyang pagtibad. Gapungasi kini sanglit napakgang man ang iyang pasundayag. Nakigtigi man hinuon siya sa pagyawyawa sa maestra.

Gipangayo ni T. Wannee ang duha niya ka kamot ug gipalpal pag-ayo gamit ang plastic apan mabawog nga klase sa ruler. Ug sa pagpalpal niya, durong muro sa tambokikoy. Bahi kaayo. Kublan. Naluya nalang siya og pinalpal apan wala gyud maparog ang tampalasan nga tinun-an.

Kon wala ko masayop, morag kanapulo gyud to kahigayon nga gidurog palpal ni T. Wannee ang iyang mga kamot. Gihangos si T. Wannee human siya nayawaan. Makaingon gyod kog nayawaan kay nawala iyang katahom. Unya nag-apol-apol sa kapula ang tibuok niyang nawong. Gihangos ang akong kauban human sa gihimo niyang talagsaong klase sa paugnat sa kusog nga nakapaigking nako. Nakurat ko sa maong panghitabo nga nikilab sa akong panan-aw. Tiaw mo ba ng unang adlaw pa sa klase unya mao natoy akong nasaksihan. Wala gyod gaduhaduha si T. Wannee sa pagsalida sa akong atubangan uban ang buhing saksi nga 40 ka mga tinun-an. Sa akong kakurat, nakahigop kog kalit sa gaaso pa sa kainit nga Kafae Boran, tradisyunal nga klase sa kape nga namugna panahon sa Unang Gira sa Kalibotan. Ang maong kape naa sa gwapa kaayo nga seramikong tasa gikan pa sa Lampang. Maayo nalang kay wa nako nabugwak sa dapit nga nahimutangan sa duha. Unsaon nalang kon maingon. Basig apilon pod kog palpal ni T. Wannee.

Human makatilaw ang tambokikoy sa kamangtas ni T. Wannee, napuyo na kini. Gamuro siya pag-ayo. Ang simod morag kasang-atan og kaldero tungod sa hilabihang pagkusmod. Sa wala pa nibalik si T. Wannee atubangan sa lawak-saringanan aron magpadayon og sulat, nipasiatab kini og litanya. Ambot og unsay pasabot sa iyang gilitanya. Pero dili ko makalimot sa iyang panapos nga gimando, “Niyap!” o Hilom! kon sa ato pa. Nangutana dayon ko sa usa ka tinun-an kung unsay pasabot ato sa dihang nigawas kadiyot si T. Wannee. Nagtigom tingali tog igong hangin aron ibuga kon motukar napod ang kabail sa tambokikoy.

Nabunyagan ang akong unang adlaw sa klase sa kulbahinam nga salida tali nilang T. Wannee ug sa tambokikoy. Unang adlaw pa lang gani, nisugod na dayon silag arangkada. Abi ko  man og ang maong klase sa pagdisiplina sa magtutudlo-tinuan sa atua ra nauso. Ilabi na sa akong panahon kaniadto sa dekada otsenta. Normal ra pod diay na diri sa Siam, ang karaan nga ngalan sa Thailand nga naila pud isip “The Land of the Free” kanhi sila raman ang nasod sa habagatangsidlakan sa Asya nga nakalingkawas sa kolonyal nga hulga sa mga Uropano. Laing bansagon pod sa maong nasud ang “The Land of Smiles”. Pero ayaw ka kay naa koy nabasahan nga aduna diay kini 13 ka klase sa pahiyom. Matod pa nga sila rang mga Tayutay ang nakahibalo sa gapahipi nga kahulogan niini. Dugang pa nga kitang mga langyaw dili gyod mokompyansa kay basig kapaakon na diay ang nitibo nga nipahiyom kanato.

Gipangomusta dayon kos mga kaubanang Pinoy sa akong unang adlaw sa dihang gabaklay mi pauli padulong sa staff house. Giasoy dayon nako kon unsa ka hugyaw ang panghitabo. Didto nako nasayran nila nga ang tambokikoy mao gyod diay giilang haring-gangis sa kasipat. Bantug rang wala gyoy niako og sukol o badlong sa iyang pagsalida. Prathom 1 pa lang diay ni gasugod sa iyang abilidad. Kapila na kahigayon nga gipatawag ug gihusay kini uban ang iyang ginikanan sa opisina sa prinsipal. Apan ang maong taras magbalik-balik. Kahibalo napod ang tanang daan nga magtutudlo sa elementarya sanglit niagi naman sa ilahang mga kamot ang maong bata. Pero dili ni basta-basta mapalagpot sa maong tunghaan kay anak diay kini sa gamhanan nga pamilya. Ug sa tanang magtutudlo nga Tayutay, si T. Wannee ra gyod ang bugtong makapitol sa iyang kalabad. Gawas pa nga ang akong pares maoy lider sa Prathom 5 ug 6. Siya pod ang usa sa pinakatinahud ug giila nga magtutudlo sa tibuok eskuylahan nga adunay duha ka sanga nga nahimutang sa Sattahip ug Bowin.

Dakong pasalamat nako sa Ginoo nga nakalabang ko sa unang bulan sa pagtudlo kauban si T. Wannee ug ang halos dul-an 400 ka mga tinun-an nga akong gitudloan. Hapit nakong mohural. Tiaw mo ba ng kada adlaw magsige kog check, stamp pad alang sa petsa, unya pirma  sa gapatongpatong nga notebook ug libro. Lupig pay artista sa kadaghan nimog pirmahunon! Pasiaw pa sa mga kaubanan nako, “Makapahulay ra gyod ta ani kong mangihi.”


Si Gerwin Vic Evarretta Bhuyo usa ka magtutudlo nga OFW sa Bangkok, Thailand. Kinaham niya ang pagkuha og mga hulagway, pagsulat og balak ug sugilanon. Kon walay kakulian, magyampungad ni siya sa mga ipahigayong book sale event.

T. Wannee (Part 1)

Fiction by | March 13, 2023

Mayo 4, 2012, unang adlaw nako diri sa Thailand isip usa ka OFW. Kadali ra ba diay sa dagan sa panahon. Morag kanus-a lang man to nga gi-Indiyan ko sa Thai teacher nga gitahasan sa akong agalon aron sugaton ko sa airport. Gisultian ko niya sa katapusang minuto nga dili ko niya matagbo. Nidugang pa siya nga mag-taxi nalang ko gikan sa Suvarnabhumi Airport sa Bangkok padulong sa Pattaya. Tiaw mo ba ng kapin kon kulang 143 kilometro ang biyahion nako sa taxi. Makabayad gyod tingali kog 1,000 baht kon maingon.

Maayo nalang kay gakasinabot ra mi. Matod pa sa akong nadunggang taho, kadaghanan sa mga Thai kay menos gyod mo-Iningles. Dili parehas natong mga Pinoy nga mosukol og sinampangkol nga inistoryahay ilabi nag makasugat ba ron og mga langyaw. Dili gyod moatras og Ininglesay. Modasdas pa gani.

Wala diay ko nisangon sa iyang mando. Nangita kog laing paagi. Niadto ko sa Tourist Service Center aron pagpangayo og dugang kasayoran kon unsay laing masakyan padulong sa Pattaya.

Ang Suvarnabhumi Airport mao ang nag-unang tugpahanan sa ayroplano dinhi sa Thailand. Gani, niadtong 2012, nakuha niini ang pasidungog nga “World’s 6th Best Airport By Size” nga gihatag sa Airports Council International kon ACI. Niadtong tuiga, nakigtigi kini sa laing 17 ka mga airport nga adunay 40 milyon nga mga pasahero.

Ang akua diayng desisyon nga mosulay pagtrabaho dinhi sa Thailand isip usa ka OFW, tungod ni sa sugyot-tampo ug pagdasig ni Nanay Fe.

“Sulayi Dong og trabaho sa Thailand. Daghang Pinoy nga gatudlo didto. Maayo nalang pod magamit imohang Teacher’s license. Kon dili ka makauyon, bisag usa ka tuig lang god ka didto. Pero kon ganahan ka, pwede pod ka magdugay unya mangasawa kag Thai,” matod pa sa akuang inahan nga kanhi English ug History teacher sa usa ka government school. Kay lagi buotan ug masunoron ko nga anak, walay laing gikawilahan o kaha mopugong sa akuang hukom kon uganing mobiya ko sa atuang nasud, nangabkab dayon kos internet.

“English teacher, Filipino, Thailand.” Tuod man, gapusot-pusot dayon ang mga inpormasyon nga nigawas sa akuang monitor.

“Oi, murag nindot ni nga eskuylahan ay: Santa Maria Gorretti School. Ngalan pa lang daan, naa na si Birheng Maria. Dako akuang pagtuo nga usa ni ka Catholic school,” kumpyansa nakong gipamulong. Tuod man, wala gyod ko masayop sa akuang pangagpas. Bisan pa man og usa kini ka Catholic private school, modawat gihapon kini og mga tinun-ang Budhista, Muslim, ug uban pa. Ang maong tulonghaan anaa nahimutang sa Pattaya City, Chonburi.

Nangaykay napod ko og dugang inpormasyon kon asa ni dapita ang Pattaya. Kay kon makadungog na gani ko og Thailand gikan sa mga higala nga nag-tour sa maong nasud, Bangkok ug Phuket dayon ang mapasigarbuhon nilang ipaukyab. Dili ko suhito aning Pattaya. Ug sa akuang pagpadayon og pakigsusi, akong nasayran nga ang maong lugar anaa diay mahimutang sa sidlakang bahin sa Thailand. Unya daghang maanindot nga white sand beaches. Ug usa diay ni sa mga kinaham nga destinasyon sa mga turista gikan sa Uropa ilabi na gyud sa mga Ruso. Bangkok, Phuket, Chiang Mai, Ayutthaya, ug Pattaya — mao diay ni ang “Big Five” tourist attractions sa Thailand. Ang Pattaya naila usab sa bansagon nga “Hawaii of the East.”

Samtang padayon ko sa gihimong pagpangaykay, nasugatan nako ang usa ka hulagway diin adunay usa ka lalaking farang o foreigner, hitsuraan, ug maskulado bisan pa man sa katigulangon niini ang gasul-ob og itom nga t-shirt. Adunay panultihon nga nakapatik sa puti nga  mga letra ang unang duha ka bahin sa linya. Dayon ang nahibiling laing duha ka linya nakaimprinta sa pula nga letra. Ug may desinyo kini nga iconic landmarks imabaw sa maong lugar:

GOOD GUYS GO TO
HEAVEN
BAD GUYS GO TO
PATTAYA

Nahugyaw ko sa makadiyot. Ginganlan pud diay kini og “Sin City.” Nisamot akong kaikag nga makalarga na dayon padulong sa Thailand aron sa pagsusi kon unsa ba gyuy tanghaga aning siyudara. Nag-email dayon kos akong application sa tag-iya sa maong eskuylahan. Motuo ka o sa dili, ang maong tunghaan ra maoy akong gi-aplayan. Wala ko naikag nga mangaplay sa Bangkok kay para nako pareho ra ni sila sa Manila: trapik, bahaunon, nagkadaiyang klase sa polusyon, ug uban pa. Wala nako giseryoso ang maong aplikasyon kay kon kontakon ko sa tag-iya, maayo. Kon dili, okay ra pud. Mabuhi ra bitaw ko diri sa atua.

Sa padayon nako nga pagpangalap, nalakbitan pud nako nga ang opisyal diay nga pangalan sa Bangkok kay Krung Thep Maha Nakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit. Sa inato pa ug sa hamubong bersiyon, “Siyudad sa mga Anghel.” Gipanag-iya usab niya ang pasidungog isip adunay pinakataas nga ngalan sa lugar sa tibuok kalibotan.

Dangtan lang og duha ka adlaw, nakadawat ko og tubag gikan sa maong eskuylahan. Gipapili ko og adlaw alang sa pagahimoon nga Skype interview. Sa laktod nga pagkaistorya, nadawat ko. Gipadad-an dayon ko og kontrata ug gibatbat didto ang mga angay nakong buhaton aron mahimong legal ang akuang pagpangempleyo.

Isip pagsaulog sa akong ikanapulo nga kasumaran dinhi sa Thailand, buot nakong ipailaila kanimo ang pinakaunang magtutudlo nga Thai diin nahimong kabahin sa akong kinabuhi, si T. Wannee.

Mayo 17, Huwebes. Opisyal nga unang adlaw sa pagbukas sa klase sa halos tibuok tunghaan sa Thailand. Gikan sa anuban o kindergarten hangtud na sa mathayom o secondary. Unang adlaw pod nako sa Santa Maria Gorretti School Pattaya o SMGSP. Kon unsa ko kahinamhinam alang sa unang adlaw sa akong pagtudlo, mao pud ang gibati sa mga estudyante. Pratom o Grades 5 ug 6 ang gisangon nako para sa tuig-tingtungha. English Conversation ang akong itudlo nga magpunting sa Speaking ug Listening unya lakbitan pud og Reading ug Writing skills. Pero akong kaabag nga Thai maoy magtudlo sa English grammar. Ang akong lisensiya sa pagtudlo sa Pilipinas alang sa secondary school. Pero sa dihang personal nakong nakahinabi ang tag-iya sa maong eskuylahan, gipangutana ko niya kon mosugot ra ba ko nga motudlo og prathom sanglit wala pay bakante ang mathayom. Kay lagi tumong ug tinguha nako isip usa ka OFW ang makatrabaho ug dili ang paglulinghayaw, gidawat nako ang maong hagit sa walay daghang pagkusmod.

Sa wala pa diay nako nahimamat ang akong pares nga Tayutay, inato nga angga sa mga nitibo, gipahimatngunan nakong daan sa mga kaubanang Pinoy nga karaan na sa SMGSP nga magbantay kay nabaniog na siya sa tibuok tunghaan nga istrikta, mangtas, bangis, ug terror. Hinuon, giasoy pud nila nga kon dili kuno siya dug-on, maayo kaayo kini motimbaya. Gani, dili siya dalo nga mopaambit sa iyang gibalon nga pagkaon.\

“Good luck Kuya!” matod pa nila. Paminaw nako mora kog si Daniel nga gibahug ngadto sa langob sa liyon.

Sawasdee T. Wannee,” pasiunang pagtimbaya nako niya isip pagtahud.

“Good morning Master Glenn” tubag niya apan wala kini nitan-aw nako kay aduna siyay gikurikuri sa iyang lamesa. Ambot kon unsa. Basin og gituyo niya kay sayo nisuol iyang takig.

Ang Sawasdee kon Hello maoy naandan nga pagtimbaya sa mga Thai. Ubanan mo ang maong pagtimbaya sa usa ka Wai nga sa kinatibuk-an mao ang pagbutang sa duha ka palad diin ang mga tumoy sa tudlo mohikap o motandog sa ilong. Matod pa, ang Wai nagpakita sa ang-ang sa pagtahod sa laing tawo ug usa ka pag-ila sa magulang niini og pangidaron o kaha isip pagrespeto sa usa ka magulang o senyor sa katungdanan. Sa imong paghatag og Wai, kinahanglang iduko nimo imuhang ulo uban sa pagduot sa imong mga palad timailhan sa pagpakita sa pagtahod. Ang kanhi nahisgutan mao ang unang duha ka klase sa tawo nga hatagan mo sa maong pagtimbaya. Ang ikatulo mao ang Wai alang sa mga monghe isip pagyukbo timaan sa dakong pagtahod. Makahuloganon ug ispesyal ang pagpadayag ug pagbuhat niini ngadto kanila. Human mo diay ibungat ang maong pagtimbaya nga mao pud ni katumbas sa atong ‘Po’ ug ‘Opo’, pakapinan mo kini og Khrap kon ikaw lalaki ug Kha kon ikaw babaye. Alang sa mga hinsakopan sa LGBTQ+, kahibalo naka og unsay ilabtik sa tumoy sa ilahang mga dila.

Mao kadto ang unang panaghimamat namo ni T. Wannee. Sa akong tan-aw, 50 anyos na siya. Pero ayaw ka, mora pa kini og kuwarenta. Dayag ang iyang katahom bisan pa man sa iyang gisul-ob nga uniporme. Puting taas nga manggas nga adunay kwelyo ug itom nga palda. Hapsay pud kaayo ang pagkapangko sa iyang itom ug lumoy nga buhok. Unya sakto ra pud ang gihidhid niya nga pagwapa sa iyang pormag kasingkasing nga nawong. Natural ang kurba ug kalabong sa itom niyang mga kilay ingon man ang gabawod niyang pilok. Medyo taliwtiw ang iyang ilong nga nitakdo ra pud sa kadak-on sa iyang baba. Modan-ag ang kaputi sa iyang panit ilabi na og mabantang kini sa adlaw. Sakto ra pod iyang kaligdong ug pamayhon. Naa tingali kini sa lima ka piye ug upat ka pulgada. Kon wala nagtudlo si T. Wannee, angayan gyod kaayo ni siya mahimong usa ka flight stewardees sa Thai Airways.

Tuod man, tinuod gyod diay ang taho gikan sa mga kaubanan nako. Lahi gyod og birtud si T. Wannee. Nakasaksi gyod ko sa gipakita niyang taras ilabi na sa mga estudyanteng lalaki nga sipat.


Si Gerwin Vic Evarretta Bhuyo usa ka magtutudlo nga OFW sa Bangkok, Thailand. Kinaham niya ang pagkuha og mga hulagway, pagsulat og balak ug sugilanon. Kon walay kakulian, magyampungad ni siya sa mga ipahigayong book sale event.

What Happened in El Mañana (Part 4)

Fiction by | February 26, 2023

When Bri hesitated to wear it, I hurriedly locked myself in the cubicle out of shame. A knock got me out of my thoughts. It was Joey.

“Thanks for the piss. Worked wonders.” Joey put out a thumbs up below the cubicle door as I tried to pace with my breathing. “And by the way, Bri is mad at you because she heard something, not because you’re here or anything like that.”

“Something?” I was curious.

“Something about you having a baby with another woman–” What did Joey just say– “and you walking away from it.”

“Where in the world did you hear that?” I asked.

“Her kababata told her,” Joey said as she dusted the sand off her palms.

“Chris?”

“Yeah, Chris.” Joey went back to the kubo.

I was too taken aback by what I heard that it took me forever to walk back to the kubo. The sun was setting. I was barefooted but I did not mind the sand. When I was near the kubo, I heard Lyn. I felt some kind of relief.

“Yanggg, why won’t you selfie with me, yang?” The tipsy affectionate Lyn was always the first to show up when alcohol hits her. Judging by the bottle on her hand, she was drinking the Soju straight up. I forgot to buy the chaser.

“Yang, take a picture of me baaa.” Lyn pleaded as she became extremely touchy with Bri.

The pep talk I gave Bri was probably working because she was tolerating her mother’s behavior, “I’m not in the mood, ma.”

“Ay uy! I think you don’t love me anymore, Yang. You don’t take pictures of me anymore.”

This was Lyn’s attempt at convincing Bri. I knew how much Lyn loved having her pictures taken, but I thought if I went inside the kubo, Lyn’s attention would be directed to me and not to Bri. This was their bonding time after all. And I was running out of energy to deal with Bri right now, especially from what she thought she knew. Besides, I would have better chances of making amends with Bri when Lyn and her are on good terms. So I decided to stack on the sand that was already on my feet and sat on a bench beside the kubo. That was not so bad

“Babe, palihog gud ko.” Bri asked Joey to take a picture of her and her mother. Joey was happy to do so as she pointed her polaroid and counted for them. As she clicked the button Lyn suddenly brushed the camera off, knocking Joey’s camera into the sand. All Lyn could say was how the flash was too bright.

“Ma, don’t be a maoy,” Bri said in a gentle but firm voice.

“Why’d you have to bring her here… You’re always together.” Lyn was making faces and she uttered, “Can’t you see I’m jealous?”

“Joey offered me a ride here, and I don’t want her to drive in the dark so I made her stay.”

Bri probably was probably tired of answering. So her deep sighs served as a response. She even had her mother’s temper. Joey got the cue and tried to console Lyn.

“I’d shower first na lang po, tita, so you and Bri could talk.”

 Joey stood up and grabbed her towel. Bri wanted the both of them to just go at the same time, but Joey insisted on going first. I guess their bickering ticked something inside Lyn’s head, “No, no, no, no.”

“That’s it. I’m out of here.”

Bri walked out of the kubo grabbing Joey’s hand when Lyn got a hold of Joey and hugged her, “I’m not against you… I just want some time with my daughter. But you’re here.”

“Ma, enough,” Bri asserted. “I could say the same thing with Bud.”

 “So you’d go there, Yang?” Lyn said as Joey wiggled her way out of her arms. “You don’t know him.”

 “Well, you don’t know him well enough,” Bri said. Joey tried stopping her but not before she blurted something out.

“Did you know he ran away from his baby?”

That was it. I was at my third layer of sand castle when I heard that. I interrupted, still sitting on the sand.

“Nonsense!” I said. “The only baby I have is your mom.”

“Could you take anything seriously?”

“I am taking your mom seriously,” I said. “You’re the one not taking me seriously.”

At this point, I knew I was on the verge of losing my faith in gaining Bri’s approval. I could not convince anyone that was already convinced. Besides, I was a man after all. If I could not take home my woman, the least I could have was an unshattered pride.

“Is that true, Bud?” Lyn’s voice darted my guts.

“Of course not.” I should leave while I could still keep my mouth shut.

“Why would Chris lie about that?” Bri asked. “Why–”

“Bri, that’s enough,” Joey said.

Until everyone in that kubo had something to say. Something about me. Bri insisted that I was a fuck boy that hits and run. Lyn kept asking me to speak up. Joey, well, she probably regretted going with. The voices grew loud but my inner monologues grew louder. I no longer wanted to explain. I was an alpha male. I had kept my mouth shut, I could still keep it in. I could… Who was I fooling?

“I’m a virgin!” My voice earned their silence.

“Wha–”

“I am a raging romantic that never got laid,” I explained. “Everybody got it?”

Bri, Joey, and Lyn looked at each other, dazed and confused. Lyn sat down. Joey sighed reaffirming, “huh.”

“Why–” Bri was at a loss for words– “why would Chris lie then?”

“Well, I don’t know, Bri.” I dragged her name as long as I could. “Maybe your first childhood crush had the biggest crush on your mom and got mad at me for not being rejected.”

Then I realized that was still a possibility, “…Yet.”

Joey spoke up, “What about the baby issue?”

“A co-worker that liked me owed me money and did not wanna pay,” I said. “Got upset when I ghosted her for your mom, so she faked a pregnancy rumor.”

Everybody was processing everything down. I know, for sure, Lyn sobered up. The sun was setting and I no longer had anything left to say, no pride left to protect. We all just sat there silently until Bri raised my 13th reason in the form of a question.

“So you’re a virgi–”

I ran to the shore. I stumbled on the hollow ground Bri was buried from earlier. I caught my breath and decided to sit. I could not look at the kubo; shame stiffened my neck. There were a lot of scenarios I had run down my mind about this day and what had unfolded still came as a shock. But at least, that was over. The sun was setting.

I was burying my face on my palms when a shadow fronted me. She raised my chin up, took away my palms from my face, and sat herself beside me. She fixed my sight to the horizon.

“About the rejecting,” Lyn said.

Just like that, my heart began racing again. I was no longer the cool guy. Just the embarrassment that pissed her daughter’s foot. Nothing could’ve prepared me from what she had said after.

“That’s not going to happen.”

 

***

Princess “Preng” Arguelles is a twenty-something Creative Writing major at the University of the Philippines Mindanao. She attempts to capture reality-based ordeals in her fiction

What Happened in El Mañana (Part 3)

Fiction by | February 19, 2023

I could swear Bri and Joey were looking at us from the far side of the shore. Their flirty splashes with each other became a wrestle on the sand before they were finished off by the waves that crashed the shore. But I was more concerned about cheering Lyn up than whatever Bri was thinking about us. I thought I was doing a pretty good job until Lyn leaned on my shoulder, burying her face on my sleeve. She was silent. But I could feel my sleeve getting wet. I could hear nothing but the shortness of her breath. I let her be for quite a while before I wrapped my arms around her. I would pat her shoulder then her head.

 “What would I do without you?” she asked. My thoughts, exactly.

“I only want to have fun with her, Bud.” She managed to ask me that even with her sharp breaths every word after another. Her voice changed from a strong chest voice to a nasally tone. “Well, the day’s not over yet so why don’t you have fun?” I told Lyn while massaging the nape of her neck, “This is your vacation too.”

A bulb lit her mind because she actually agreed with me. “You know what…” Lyn said as she grabbed one of the bottles of Soju Joey was carrying. Lyn shook the bottle. She always told me it was to wake up the alcoholic demon inside the bottle, “You’re right.”

But I was quite hesitant with the idea of Lyn becoming even remotely tipsy around her daughter here. On one hand, although alcohol really helped her lighten up and transformed her to a total goofball, it might worsen Bri’s hostility toward her. On the other hand, if what had begun went on further, she might break down in front of her Bri. I know for sure Lyn would not want to lower her walls down, especially in such a public place.

“What do you think?” Lyn asked as her swollen eyes twinkled. Even when she was crying, she was still beautiful.

“That is a really bad idea, Lyn,” I said to her and the light in her eyes was ready to flow out of her lids. “That’s a really bad idea if you don’t have ice. Let me see if I can buy some.”

It took me a while to finally manage to buy ice as I had to go outside of the resort itself. El Mañana had some but would not sell it to me for some reason. I was headed back to the kubo when I decided to have a little chat with Bri and Joey who were sunbathing. From the seaweed crown on their hair, I could tell they swam around the beach, perhaps from the farther left below El Mañana foot bridge where they could have space of their own. Bri had sunglasses on while Joey was burying her in the sand. I did not know how to interrupt best than to clear my throat loud enough.

“I know I’m not in the position to talk–”

Bri was always quick to interrupt.

“Right. You are in no position to talk,” She managed to articulate every single word in such a way that I was momentarily stunned. Bri was ready to drag Joey back to the foot bridge when I mustered up the courage to continue on.

“I may not know what your real issue is with your mother,” I said. Bri stopped, not looking at me. “But could you please cut her some slack? She’s trying, she arranged this, everything… just to be with you.”

While I was explaining, I realized I use my hands too much when I feel so strongly about what I was talking about. While I was talking, I saw Joey tell her, “Give it a listen.”

My voice broke a bit, which was pretty embarrassing, but this is for Lyn. I cleared my throat, took a breath before continuing,  “So why don’t you give her a chance?”

I did not waste a second and started walking away before I felt a tear escape my eye.

“What makes you think my mom was my issue?” she asked behind my back. “If I did not make it clear enough, my problem is you.”

I froze where I stood as I heard Bri invite Joey back under the bridge. How could Bri have such a handsome problem?

When I was no longer paralyzed by Bri’s sass, I was finally ready to go back to the kubo when I heard Bri scream. I initially stepped towards the direction of the couple but if I did not go back to the kubo, all the ice I would give Lyn was water. So I rushed back.

At the kubo, Lyn had already taken a nap. It was no surprise that Joey’s screaming did not wake her because she had always been a heavy sleeper. I placed the ice on the ice bucket and glanced at the bridge. As my eyes scanned, I noticed Bri was helping Joey walk to the comfort room.

I knocked on the only locked cubicle door when I heard Bri. “What?”

“I heard you scream, are you okay?” I asked.

“How could anyone screaming be okay?” She clapped back. “How stupid could you be?”

I knew she was the daughter of the woman I want to spend my sunsets with but if she did not stop talking down on me, I would honestly find it hard to grow my balls back… I want her to like me for her mom so much, I would still cave.

“She stepped on something sharp,” Joey said.

I had a feeling of what it might have been. “Can I see?”

“If you don’t say something stupid,” Bri said. When Joey helped her extend her leg out of the cubicle I immediately recognized the black spike.

“We have to pee on it,” I said.

“That’s it, you’re out.” Bri brushed me away. She must have thought I was fooling around. “Piss off.”

“Gladly,” I replied. “Any way I could help.”

I unzipped my shorts, comfortable that the resort was private and Bri and Joey were inside the cubicle. I aimed my piss gun toward Bri’s foot when she tried pushing the spike out with her hand. I swerved it away from the initial target but not before my golden shower hit her hand.

“Is that–” Bri took a second to realize– “Ahh!! Damak!”

I apologized in a hundred languages and Bri was still inconsolable. I could hear Joey muffling her chuckles but Bri was not having it. She opened the door after I hurriedly put my shorts on. Her eyes had a laser beam.

“What did you just do?” she asked.

I answered, “I cured it.”

“Cured it?” Bri was livid. “When I told you to piss off, I- you, aaah!”

She was mad she could barely put out a sentence so I explained that she had stepped on a tuyom and peeing on it was what would get rid of the sting. I had to do it while rinsing her hand with water. She refused to let me touch her so I had to help from a distance. Joey was still laughing inside the cubicle.

“What did mama ever see in you?” Bri slammed the door.

I felt a lump in my throat. Out of all Bri had said to me, those words stung. “What can’t you see in me?” I mumbled.

Bri replied, “What was that?” And all of a sudden, I could feel the lump slid down my tongue.

“What is your deal? What’s with all your taray? You, of all people, should be happy! Your mother loves you. You have a girlfriend that loves you. Your mother loves that someone loves you. You’re so angry for someone who has a girlfriend. I don’t even have a girlfriend! I’m trying to. So why can’t we just skip pause with this teenage angst and be adults so I could finally be laid.”

As embarrassing as my thoughts spiraled out, it silenced Bri. I had not noticed Joey was already out of the cubicle. When she was out, Bri did so too. Bri took a step, wanting to walk away from me. I was embarrassed and upset that I could not look at her. When she took another step, I could not bear it anymore and did the impossible. I lend her my jesus flops. She was barefooted.

To be continued…

 

***

Princess “Preng” Arguelles is a twenty-something Creative Writing major at the University of the Philippines Mindanao. She attempts to capture reality-based ordeals in her fiction.

What Happened in El Mañana (Part 2)

Fiction by | February 12, 2023

Not an ounce of hesitation was heard from Bri. Lyn was taken aback. I could tell by how her eye twitched for a split second. By now, I had mastered reading the most subtle cues in Lyn’s body language to avoid misunderstandings.

“You didn’t tell me Joey was a girl.”

“My bad.” Bri rested her head on Joey’s shoulder’s. “But does it really matter, ma?”

“W-well…” Lyn stuttered. It was astonishing to witness; I thought nothing could faze her. “I’m just shocked, that’s all.”

In all honesty, I was, too. But Bri looked happy. Personally, I think I was happier because they looked cute together.

“That’s exactly why I brought her here,” Bri said. “So you could finally meet her.”

“Mano po, tita,” Joey said.

“Kuya, are you lost? This isn’t your kubo,” Bri said, only looking at me after saying so and for a moment. I choked on my embarrassment. I was at a loss for words so I looked at Lyn for rescue and she saw the perfect segue. Lyn, this could be the perfect time to tell her.

“Yang, ay, Bri diay. Remember Buddy? He’s the–” Bri interrupted with the most time-killing “-Hmm”- I have ever heard, along with her continuous nod while looking at me from head to toe. She took some time looking at my toes before letting out a smirk after a quick sigh. Thankfully, I had trimmed my toenails before going to the resort.

“Makes sense,” she said when she finally stopped piercing me with her dead stare to reach for the tray full of lumpia. What the heck did she mean by that?

 She took a bite of the lumpia and double-dipped to offer Joey a bite. “I never would have pegged you for a jesus flops kind of guy.”

I did not like Bri very much. Not because of what she said about my flops but because of her double-dipping. But I had to earn her trust so I was willing to postpone my disgust.

Bri proceeded to stand directly in front of me. “What are you? Like a 5’6?”

Wow. It had just become apparent to me that crushing egos run in their family. Sure, I was not the tallest, but I was not that short either. Bri was just unfortunately taller than me. I could not get over how Bri went for my height but I felt like I had to say something.

So I said, “Grilled bangus.”

Could I have been any dumber? Lyn went to save the dying conversation by offering the girls with paper plates.

“I bet you skipped lunch. You must be starving!” Lyn opened each Tupperware container to reveal all the food she had prepared earlier that morning. I could see Joey’s delight in her eyes. She must be a foodie like me. I wish I could say the same about Bri.

There were lumpiang shanghai, adobong manok, pancit, coffee jelly, mangoes,  chicken lollipops, cassava cake, basically everything Bri used to love was set at our table. Lyn has excellent taste. That was why I recommended her to be our office cook. And that was also why I was her guy. She had been begging Bri for weeks to come home to her but Bri would always decline with a string of excuses.

“Maybe later, ma. Your lumpia went soggy na,” Bri said as she scanned the array of food prepared for her. She must be kidding me. “And this is just too much. I feel bad.”

Lyn looked down at the sand before answering. “Oh, I just wanted to prepare your favorites. You must have missed them for sure.”

“You really didn’t have to,” Bri said. “ But I don’t want to eat just because I feel bad.”

“No prob,” Lyn had to swallow a lump on her throat. “It’s not like I made these, we, we, I only got it from a paluwagan. Yep. Just a food bundle.”

I know for a fact that was not true. Lyn had been saving all a month’s worth of salary just so Bri could feast. She would stick to isaw and pastil to save when she could not eat a portion from what she cooks in our office. She had to go to the merkado at dawn so we prepared everything on time. I was only her personal lifter and kitchen assistant but even I was tired. I could only imagine how defeated Lyn was feeling. Extending my patience and trying to understand Bri’s cold shoulder was becoming a challenge to me. I was jealous that Lyn did not get me anything for my birthday last week because she was saving up for this. I did not understand what Lyn could have possibly done to deserve that treatment. And whatever it must be, Lyn’s still her mother after all. A sufficient amount of pleasantries would have just made her mother happy. I would be happy if she cooked me just any one of those meals.

“We’re going to roam around, ma, take pictures,” Bri said walking away, avoiding  Lyn’s eyes. Joey took out a polaroid camera out of her bag. Before heading out, she grabbed herself a cup of coffee jelly.

“Tita, I’d have some of this, if you don’t mind. I’ve been craving for this po kasi,” Joey said to my Lyn, who could not look away from the sand she was kicking as she swung her legs to and fro. Her breaths grow sharper. A few seconds later, Bri called out for Joey so she left the kubo without waiting for Lyn’s reply. When we were left alone, I moved closer to her seat.

“Uy,” I said, trying to lighten up her mood.

I recalled why Bri became distant toward Lyn. Something about Lyn being a one-day millionaire and almost using up all of Bri’s college fund on Lyn’s 4Oth birthday. I met Lyn there so if you’d ask me, I’d say it was money well spent. It must have been a different case to Bri that she was that aloof.

“She really is your daughter ha.” I poked the side of her belly trying to imitate Bri. “Feisty. Hmmm!”

Lyn burst out laughing. She was quite loud, she hit me a few times. I did not expect I’d be that funny but I ended up imitating Bri more- dragging the vowels as she did. “I’m Bri now. BRI.”

Times like that hit me with a brick. Shit. I was so head-over-heels with the woman in front of me. Not even when she had those vacuum laughs. Lyn’s birthday was the 31st of December which made it easy for me to have a free meal that night. I was helping myself with Lyn’s mango graham when I noticed she was killing it on Celine Dion’s “I Love You Goodbye” in the videoke. Her every note was tickling my eardrums and I was not even a Celine Dion fan. That caught my attention. But what drew her to me more was how she let out her vacuum laugh when her voice cracked at the very last note. I thought, if I could make her laugh like that all the time, I’d be happy too.

“Earth to Buddy, Earth to Buddy.” Lyn joked as she pinched my nose. My perfect, slightly disappointed nose. “If you could stop daydreaming about me for a second, I have a teen daughter bringing her girlfriend situation here.”

“How could I if every day I’m dream girl?” I could see her blush.

“Bud, I’m serious,” she said. “I don’t know how to talk to her.”

“But you are,” I said, “talking to her.”

She leaned on the chair. “No, but really talk to her, you know?” she asked. “Like I used to.”

“What’s stopping you?” I asked.

“Well, for one, I don’t want to offend her,” she said. “Girlfriend, boyfriend, I don’t really care about it. We’re–”

“Just on different vibrations.” I helped her find the words.

“Exactly.” She started stress-eating the chicken lollipops. I got stressed looking at her maneuvering those with a plastic sfork.

“Give me that.” I snatched it from her plate and started feeding it to her. I knew she hated having greasy hands.

To be continued…

 

***

Princess “Preng” Arguelles is a twenty-something Creative Writing major at the University of the Philippines Mindanao. She attempts to capture reality-based ordeals in her fiction.

What Happened in El Mañana (Part 1)

Fiction by | February 6, 2023

I could never understand why anyone would love feeling sand between their toes. That tickly sticky sensation stuck in the middle of the toes and those lingering stubborn bits forcing its way into my ingrown. This is why I’d never walk on beaches barefooted.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a strong believer of beach trips supremacy. Especially here in El Mañana. Think about it. No corkage fees. Crystal clear water. No algae build up, not a single random urchin to stab my feet, no yellow submarines creeping at you out of nowhere when you’re swimming about. It’s nothing short of a remote paradise.

 The first time I went here was for work. Back when almost all of their kubo was termite-infested. An El Mañana problem that would occasionally garnish their visitors’ precious handa with wood dust and feast on any unfortunate thigh that would sit on them. Good thing, your boy, Buddy, is a master termite-nator. Because of me, El Mañana became pest-free once again.

I should also tell you how El Mañana went viral for its breathtaking sunset view. I longed to watch it for quite some time now but I thought sunsets are too magnificent to be enjoyed alone. So I promised myself I’d come back here with someone I’d watch the sunset with. The one who won’t be gone by sunrise. I have to admit, I was pretty desperate in fulfilling that promise, I had been here with several women my age. But none of them to share the sunset with, really. It was always either raining, or the woman I was with just was not cut out for my Buddy romance, or the vibe was completely off. But I am not giving up on that quest yet. Which was why when Lyn asked for resort recommendations to treat her teenage daughter, Brianna, El Mañana easily came up to mind.

I had only been seeing Lyn for a couple of months and I must admit, our thing not being official yet was quite a sore spot. More than her ex-husband finding out, she was too worried any relationship she’d have would just be another reason for Brianna to pull farther away from her. So against my better judgment and pride, I settled with the title of a suitor. A single mom’s suitor, at that.

Initially, Lyn wanted her and Brianna’s reunion to be just the two of them but I insisted on going with. I told her I could help with the heavy lifting, earning discounts with the fees, and who wouldn’t want a macho gwapito like me as a beach chaperon, right? But if I were being honest, I wanted to meet Brianna in person. Perhaps, this way, I could charm her into giving her blessing and I could finally truly be someone’s person. Lyn’s, preferably. I was growing impatient with what Brianna called, “a whatevership.”

I was grilling the bangus Lyn marinated the night before while she was anxiously fanning our food from flies while waiting for Brianna’s arrival. I can tell she’s agitated. The signal in the resort was spotty and the unconscious lip biting gave it away. That, and the fact that she had not seen her daughter for almost a year because Brianna chose to study in a university miles away from her mother out of spite. But there was something about the way the seabreeze blew Lyn’s yellow summer dress, her wavy copper hair brushing against her face, and her tucking her hair over her ears as she sported those sunglasses bigger than her sun-kissed cheeks. She was stunning even at 42.

The sight of her distracted me from the distress knowing that I had no indicator whether or not this bangus was cooking as it should be. Lyn had told me peeking through the foil cover would make all the moisture from the bangus escape so I was trying my hardest not to do so. Brianna liked the bangus juicy filled with ripe tomatoes, diced onions, ginger, and a bundled tanglad. It took me quite a while to keep the charcoal burning, but I managed by fanning every now and then. That was the good thing about Brianna being almost an hour past merienda late; she would not see me struggle with grilling her favorite dish. When I thought the bangus was good to go, I hurriedly sprinted to our kubo while juggling the hot bangus when a woman dashed to the step, her elbow striking the bangus to the sand.

“Yang!” Ah, so this was Brianna.

“I’m sorry, you didn’t think to put that on a plate,” Bri said.

Was that even an apology? Wow! She was really Lyn’s kid. Lyn approached her with an embrace when she swerved to the side to put her bags down. Lyn’s attempt for a hug landed as mere shoulder strokes. Brianna asked to bless from Lyn’s hand instead. Although I only saw her in pictures, her hair used to be raven black, not blonde. And she did not have pin cushions for ears. Even so, it must be awkward for them to meet after such a long time.

“Don’t call me Yang now, ma,” she said as she sprung back up again, flipping her hair up, and finally tying it together. “I go by Bri now.”

I have to say, although I did expect the two’s physical resemblance, their sassiness was uncanny. While Yangyang, or shall I say, Bri took a good long while before sitting to complain about how long the drive was to enter the resort, I quietly picked the bangus. I placed it on the table first, peeling off the foil before putting the fish on a foil tray. Good thing it was sealed or else Bri would have wasted my effort grilling her favorite dish. I tried my best not to interrupt their conversation because I was quite curious whether Lyn would introduce me to Bri or not. And if she did, what would she introduce me as.

“You did not have to spend this much for a vacation, ma. We could have just stayed home. Could we afford it?” Bri asked as she applied sunscreen.

As far as I’m concerned, the entrance fee for the three of us was already included with the kubo, which I had already settled on when I booked the resort exclusively. I just knew Lyn would ask, “It was Buddy’s treat! Why did they ask you to pay? That guard rea–”

Before Lyn could full-on complain, another woman entered our kubo carrying a box full of Soju with a pink ribbon bow.

“You didn’t have to,” I said to the woman thinking she was El Manaña’s new manager. I did not know when El Manaña began welcoming their guests with complimentary drink, but I wouldn’t complain.

“Sorry what?” the woman said.

I repressed my urge to repeat what I said to her when I saw car keys hanging on her denim shorts just as Bri uttered, “Joey, come here.”

And Joey did. Unlike Bri, Joey had a nicer vibe, a bit demure. Humbler, even. It usually does not matter to me but I could tell Joey was well-off. She wore a hat without the cap, the ones similar to golfers. I would bet her top was just a scarf wrapped around her torso. She had braces even though her teeth seemed fine as it was. Fair skinned.  And if it was not a solid case, her nails were pointy, long, had gemstones, and held an iPhone with three eyes. How could I mistake her for a manager? She could easily be a resort owner, for all I know.

“Joey?” Lyn wondered. “I thought Joey was your uyab, Yan–” Bri’s nose scrunched so Lyn corrected herself, “I mean, Bri.”

I could tell Joey wanted to introduce herself but while she was just recalibrating her tongue, Bri already mouthed an answer– “Exactly, po.”

 

To be continued…

 

***

Princess “Preng” Arguelles is a twenty-something Creative Writing major at the University of the Philippines Mindanao. She attempts to capture reality-based ordeals in her fiction.

Monochrome Scales

Fiction by | January 23, 2023

Through and through, I am gray. An equal balance of good and evil, pure apathy to everything.

It’s common sense that murder is one of the most abominable sins to commit, but I find it hard to care even when my co-worker is breaking down in the middle of the office. Everyone rushes to comfort her, to soothe her with promises that her husband is now at peace, but I stand to the side. The most I can do is acknowledge her tears with a listless glance, and I’m back to typing away on the keyboard.

It makes me wonder if that makes me evil. The scales tip ever so slightly.

“Y’know,” Jose begins in his lazy drawl, taking in a large inhale of his cigarette and sighing. “It wouldn’t hurt for you to try and pretend you care.”

I know. I flick the ashes of my own cigarette at him, and he scowls back. With an uncommitted shrug, I exhale, and smoke puffs from my lips.

“I’ll try.”

The gray of the smoke ruins the clear blue sky above, but it fits perfectly with the ruined alleyway and me.

*

Another thing that should be normal is parents lighting up at the pitter-patter of footsteps scurrying to greet them at the door. When the doorknob turns and the little boy smiles at me, something twists and grips at my heart.

“Papa!” he cheerfully greets. “You’re home!”

Home feels like a bitter word on my tongue. It’s unrestrained anger, nail marks on my skin, and tears on my cheeks as I hide beneath the bed. This ruined apartment isn’t home, but just temporary solace from the rain and the sun, a place where I can stare endlessly at the paint-chipped walls. But I don’t bother correcting the little boy.

“I’m home,” I say half-heartedly. I lift my hand to his head, but something grips my arm, and it falls back to my side. I ignore the disappointed look on his face and let him take my coat and things. It somehow feels bad, watching such a tiny body struggle to take them. He guides me to the table where a meager meal awaits me.

“I tried my best!” The bandages on his fingers prove his words. “I—I hope you enjoy it!”

It’s too salty, but at least there is something to eat. I do not say anything to him, but he smiles as he continues to watch me eat.

*

I tell him to go back to his mother. There is no future for him with a deadbeat salaryman like me. One of these days, a corpse will return to him, and he will have nowhere to go.

He shakes his head, innocent face still smiling at me like I deserve it. “My home is with you, dad. Mama is too busy holding hands and eating at restaurants with the weird uncle.”

It feels like punishment to have something so deserving of everything I cannot offer him near me. I look at him, and the thought of leaving him alone within these apartment walls run rampant through my mind. I see his smile, and I wonder what will happen to it if I tell him of all the regrets I carry on my shoulder.

If I tell him that he was never meant to be, will he finally leave me be? The sick temptation grips me like a vice.

“I’m not a good person, boy.” My voice is raspy and the lingering hangover pounds at my head with every syllable. “You’re better off living with your mother. She can give you toys and food, and you won’t have to cook and cut your hands anymore.”

“Why aren’t you a good person?” Damn children and their curiosity. “You work hard every day to provide for us!”

Silence.

And then I begin to speak.

“I think of leaving you alone. Every day, I don’t know how someone like me can face you. All I can give you are cheap clothes and groceries, and I don’t know how to comfort sad children or angry children or children of any kind!”

I reach out for him—he doesn’t flinch, and somehow that makes me only cry harder.

“You don’t deserve the life I lived, son.” His hair is soft. “You deserve everything in the world and more.”

I wonder if he’ll break under my touch, like how I used to at my father’s hands back then. His tiny hands reach up to mine and squeeze.

“Pa isn’t a bad guy. He says he wants to leave me alone, but he hasn’t. You say that mama is better, but you give me more love than she does.” He nuzzles into my rough palm. “I don’t want toys if mama doesn’t play with me. But here, I can cook food and eat them together with you every day.”

I am at a loss for words.

“You’re not evil, pa.” He grins. “Because I know you’re always thinking what’s best for me.”

Right.

I tell myself I’ll leave him, but I can’t. His tiny body may shatter under my hug, but nothing can stop the onslaught of tears as I hold my dearest son close to my heart. His small arms hug me back, and it’s the first time in my life that I have family.

I am still gray, but for this little boy, I can be human again.

*

“Not joining me for a smoke break?” Jose asks. “Now that’s a surprise.”

“Cutting back,” I grunt to him as I continue to type on my keyboard.

“Well, at least join me for a drink after work.”

“Not happening, either. Gotta buy groceries and cook.”

Jose snorts and lightly slaps the back of my head. “God help you. Having a kid made you boring.”

He’s joking, I can tell, and I chuckle and shake my head.

“Then the least I can do is invite you over for dinner.”


Jireh Dacanay, 17, is a Grade 12 HUMSS student at Davao Christian High School V. Mapa Campus. Writing for over 10 years, they continue to seek new ways to improve their writing style so they can write a novel that will make Philippine literature known all over the globe.

Faith

Fiction by | January 9, 2023

There were twenty computers inside SKY 91, wedged in the form of letter E. Toto occupied number eleven, filling a row of cubicles. The words appeared on Toto’s monitor: “I’m Faith. What’s yours? ASL?”

He had chatted few of the girls. There was Maria, twenty-years of age, who liked to go scuba diving. There was Gretch, who was interested in meeting him in exchange for cellphone cards. But none of them sustained the exchange of information. He was hoping to look for another one, someone beautiful and witty, and there he found Faith.

He hadn’t seen Karla for about a week. He had tried to give her gifts, bringing her in secret places to make love. But she had been testy and moody. It had begun after they made love. Toto told her something that made her cry. They both agreed to cool off for a while, to give her space and time, as what she had asked from him.

Toto typed: “Toto, 25, M, Cebu. And you?”

Then on the screen appeared: “I’m 29, Davao.”

They shared information about themselves. Occupations, the schools they’d been, hobbies, email adds. He had already been sitting there for hours when his feet felt numb. He stood up to give the attendant the stub, then paid for the fee.

He stood there at the pavement, looking for a cigarette vendor. There was none. He walked the sidewalks with other passers-by. It was around six in the evening and he could hear horns of vehicles beeping loudly on the traffic. Gray smoke filled the air.

He felt lonely for a while. He didn’t know where to go. He took out his Nokia 3310 from his jeans pocket and checked if somebody had texted him. He had texted his classmates and friends, but there wasn’t any reply. Maybe they had been busy with their girlfriends or maybe they hadn’t received his messages, or maybe they had run out of load. The money left in his pocket was just a few coins.

He thought of Karla. Where could she be? Was she at home? Was she drinking with her friends? He wanted to text her, but he hesitated. Maybe if she had enough space and time, she’d come back to him. He was optimistic. He knew she loved him as much as he loved her. But his ego was confusing him. He wouldn’t try to make up with her just because he was lonely and alone.

He came across a cigarette vendor and bought a stick. He lit it with the match. Some moments he found a jeepney bounded for home. He threw away the cigarette and mounted up.

The next morning he had until ten o’clock to finish his breakfast. He had no roommate. His apartment was the only one standing bleak at one of the buildings at Colon Street. He ate by himself on the table inside his room.

He had been already dressed for an errand. Black shirt tucked inside his blue jeans. Black Reebok running shoes he had bought in an ukay-ukay in Carbon. He groomed his hair with a gel, gleaming as if a cow had licked it. He ran out of food he had stored on the landlady’s fridge. Sometimes the landlady would be nice enough to offer him humba or pancit. When he finished his breakfast he was yet again ready for another day.

He was thinking about Faith. He wondered if she was beautiful. He had thought of opening his email to check if she had sent him pictures of her. He decided to go to the Internet café first before buying groceries.

He felt displeased when he went out the streets. The scorching heat of the sun hurt his eyes and burned his pale skin. He didn’t like it as he had always treated his skin with great care. Sometimes he would put sunscreen on his face, his arms, and the back of his neck.

He reached SKY 91. He came in through the glass door. There were only a few people on the seats. Good, he thought. So he could concentrate and not be disturbed by noisy kids playing video games.

As soon as the attendant gave him the stub, he immediately clicked the E icon that says “Internet Explorer.” He had to be quick. He had only one hour to surf the Net. He opened his email and there he found pictures of Faith. He can only saw her face down her tummy. She was pretty, he thought. She had chinita eyes, teeth as white as a pearl, revealing two little pits in both sides of her cheeks, although the skin of her face was a little bit sagged, which he didn’t like. She looked like no less than 30 years old. She had large breasts that bulged on her tight gray shirt. From the background she seemed to be in the United States, although she definitely looked Filipina. He decided to send him pictures too. Pictures he had scanned some months ago, pictures from his school’s acquaintance party. Her letter read:

Hi Toto. It’s been nice chatting with you yesterday. I find you’re a good man. I hope we could still get to know each other well enough to meet someday. I think you’re not the kind of man whom I can’t trust. Here are my pictures you have asked. Hope you’ll like them. 

Hope to hear from you soon. Good wishes.

Your New Friend,
Faith

They shared more information about themselves, letters, pictures. Sometimes they would send funny texts, some beautiful and inspiring quotes. He knew they were getting along with each other. He knew that she could be his girlfriend someday.

One day they decided to chat again on the Net. It was half hour past nine when Toto was once again sitting in front of the monitor.

They were chatting for about an hour when Toto opened his e-mail. He saw a new message. The message was from Faith. Attached were jpeg files. He clicked to view them. He was startled. The pictures showed she was sitting on a wheelchair. The rest of them showed she was sitting on the bed and nothing where her legs were supposed to be. He came back to the chat room and typed: “Faith, I’ve just received your pictures and I am surprised. Is this you?”

She responded: “Yes. That’s me. I am handicapped. I have no legs. I didn’t tell you because it might be the reason you won’t keep in touch with me anymore. Now I reveal it all to you. Does it bother you?”

Toto couldn’t type a word. He was still looking at her pictures. She really had no legs. He was disappointed. He hadn’t expected this. 

Then after a while he typed: “Why did you lie to me? I can’t believe this. Why did you make it so long for me to wait?” He paused for a moment. He hesitated to press the Enter key. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. He was confused. He deleted all that, and typed: “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. No. No. It doesn’t bother me at all. Nothing changed. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Then he pressed the Enter key.

For a while there was no reply. He waited for some moments. No reply.

After a minute he typed: “Faith, are you there?” Still no reply. He typed: “That’s perfectly fine with me, Faith. I still like you.”

But still there wasn’t any reply.

He was immobile. His hands were numb. He felt a pain in the stomach. He had regrets. She might have been gone before he could reply. She might have been gone because he had taken a long time to reply after she revealed everything. He was ashamed. He was contrite. He didn’t know what to do. In a second he was informed by the attendant that his time was up. 

He stood up.

Thereafter his cell phone rang, and he answered it.

“Karla.”

“I called to say goodbye.”

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry. I made up my mind. It didn’t work out, and I think it never will.”

“Oh, please don’t tell me this over the phone, Karla. I need to see you.”

“It’s over. I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

He tried to call her back, but she was out of reach. He dialed again, and again, and again. 

But she was gone.


Honesto Avellanosa III is a 48-year-old guy who makes content for his YouTube channel Cebu and Davao Journey. He used to be a musician.