Pagdunggo

Fiction by | June 8, 2020

Gitaktak ni Jonas ang iyahang pukot sa dagat. Kagabii pa siya nagpaabot nga makakubit og isda apan udtong tutok na wala pa gihapon siyay kuha. Nagpadayon siya sa pagpamasol apan morag nagdinalo ang kinaiyahan. Gitan-aw ni Jonas ang iyahang aysbakan. Aduna siyay gamayng nukos sa kontiner ug pipila ka isda nga iyahang bularun pag abot sa ila.

Matag hampak sa balod sa iyahang gamayng bangka makahuna-huna siya sa iyahang asawa ug mga anak nga nagpaabot kaniya didto sa mala. Mahimugso na iyahang ikaupat nga anak sunod bulan. Nanghupaw si Jonas. Mihangad siya sa mga panganod ug nakita niya nga dag-um ang langit. Kaulanun. Morag wala gayod nakig-uyon ang higayon maong nakahukom siya nga mupapauli na lang. Apan sa dihang nagbugsay na siya pauli, nahibuwong siya tungod kay wala nadayun ang pagbundak sa ulan. Nakaingun siya nga tingalig gibugal-bugalan siya sa panahon tungod kay niinit naman sab ang adlaw.

Padayon sa pagbugsay si Jonas. Gikan sa gikahimutangan sa iyahang sakayan makita niya ang ilahang gamayng payag ilalum sa usa ka punuan sa lubi. Sa dihang hapit na siya mudunggo sa lapyahan nakita niya iyahang duha kaanak nga tua nagginukdanay sa baybayun. Dako kaayo ang ngisi niini sa pagkakita kaniya. Nanginhas sab si Mabel nga iyahang asawa nga dako na kayo og tiyan. Nagsingabot si Jonas. Haduol na kini sa lapyahan. Kadtong matungkad na niya ang dagat, gibira dayun niya iyahang sakayan sa daplin, gisugat dayun siya sa iyahang mga anak, mudasdas unta kini sa dagat apan giabog niya sila, “Lalum pa!” singgit niya. Mitagbo ug gitabangan siya sa ilang silingan nga si Karding sa pagtuklod sa iyahang gamayng bangka.

“Puno bay?”ni Karding kang Jonas.

“Bulilyaso laging panagat, bay,” segun ni Jonas samtang gigawas ang usa ka bugkus nga isda ug ang kontiner sa iyahang bularun. Giduhulan ni Jonas og duha ka isda sa bato si Karding.

“Unya naa pay mabilin ninyo diha?”

“Ah, naa pa man hinuon. Salamat bay!” Matud pang Jonas nga naundang og storya tungod kay gibirabira sa anak iyang sanina. “Tay! Tay! Hatag piso!” segun sa iyahang kinamaguwangang anak nga si Odo. Gibukhad niini ang iyahang palad ug mitudlo sa tindahan tapad sa ilahang gamayng balay.

“Mamalit mi ni Duday og makaon,” dugang pa niini nga mikumpayot na gyod kaniya.

“Ingna kay Ante Neneng nimu nga utang sa” tubag ni Jonas sa iyahang anak.

Mituman kini sa iyahang mando ug naglumbaanay pag dagan silang Odo ug Duday paingun sa tindahan.

Midayun si Jonas sa sulod sa ilahang gamayng payag. Giduhol niya ang iyahang kuha nga isda sa asawa nga si Mabel nga nagdigamo sa kusina. Nakamatikod si Jonas nga minghuy kini.

“Day, unsay ayo?” pangutana ni Jonas sa kapikas.

“Mao ra gihapon, hulat rag grasya” ni Mabel nga nikalit og singka. Morabag nagpasug-o ang tingug.

“Lagi Day, unsaon mani nga nihit man ang isda” segun ni Jonas.

“Kulangon man diay para nato unya manghatag pa gyod kas uban” segun ni Mabel nga nagkulismaot gayod ang nawung.

“Day uy, mao na imuhang isugat nako?” ni Jonas nga gihapuhap ang abaga sa iyahang asawa.

“Mag unsa na lang diay ta ani? Wala nay magpautang nako dinhi! Unya asa man ko ani manganak nga bisag sa center karun kinahanglan naman baydan sa ilahang labor!” Matud pang Mabel nga niadtong taknaa niaksyon og dagayday ang luha sa mata.

Continue reading Pagdunggo

Pangamuyo sa Bag-Ong Tuig

Fiction by | May 4, 2020

Hope smiles from the threshold of the year
to come, whispering, ‘It will be happier.’

– Alfred Lord Tennyson

PIPILA lang ka lakang ang comfort room gikan sa spring bed nga akong gihigdaan apan wala ko mobangon hangtod nga dili na maantos ang kasakit sa akong pus-on. Mituyok ang lawak sa akong pagtindog. Nanglugmaw ang bugnawng singot sa tibuok kong lawas. Payadpayad ang akong mga lakang sa akong pagpaingon sa CR. Sulod sa kasilyas, nakigbisog kos himbig sulod sa akong kutokuto apan wala kapugngi ang pagdigwa sa dalag-dakag ug aslom nga suka nga milugasak sa inidoro. Mikunhod ang akong gibating kaluod ug kalipong human ikasuka ang pluwido ug wala mahilis nga diyot nga pagkaon sulod sa akong tungol. Nagdali kog balik sa paghigda sa wala mobalik ang pagtuyok sa palibot.

Mikugiot ang katre sa pagdapat sa akong likod sa nipis nga kutson. Taudtaod, gilingaw ko ang akong kaisipan sa pagmatamata sa mga hugis ug bulok sa lawak nga akong nahimutangan. Piyong ang mga mata, akong makita ang ubos nga kisame ug ang nag-inusara nga sugang ploresen, ang puting mga bungbong, ang abohon nga sementong salog, ang dyelosing bentana ug ang sa kasilyas. Sa mata sa akong alimpatakan, akong makita ang mga butang nga nawatagwatag sa gamyang lamesa nga nahimutang sikbit sa bungbong sa akong ulohan: ang plato nga may bugnawng luto ug piniritong isda, ang layot nga saging, ang pistil nga nanunga sa tubig ug ang way sulod nga baso. Akong mahanduraw ang asul nga maleta ilawon sa katre ug ang duha ka plastik nga sablayan nga gikaw-it sa dextrose stand, ang usa gihayhayan sa abohon nga tuwalya ug ang usa sa tsikird nga longslib. Akong masubay ang nipis nga puthawng siklat sa ibabawng katre ug ang gilatag nga kutson.

Naundang ang akong paghanduraw sa pag-abot sa mao-maong doktor sa unibersidad kauban sa mao-maong komadrona. Ang komadrona nga nangatungdanan nga nars, mikuha sa akong blood pressure ug temperature. Human mipasupot sa pipila ka pangutana, miresita si Dr. Semorlan og dugang anti-acid ug mibiya sa iyang mao-maong pasyente. Sa pagsira sa pultahan ug pagkahanaw sa duha ka nagbistig puti, nangamdan ko sa laing langay, laay ug mingawng adlaw. Lihay na sa alas diyes sa buntag. Akong gipiyong ang akong mga mata, pamasin nga akong malit-ag ang idlas nga katulogon ug makapahuway.

Maoy pagkahuman sa akong mga final exams dihang gitakboyan kog bayuok. Tungod sa kadaot sa akong optic nerves, usa ka talagsaong komplikasyon sa bayuok, ang kasarangang bayuok midala kanako sa university infirmary human sa pagkuyos sa hubag sa akong liog. Gipasaligan kos doktor nga lumalabay lang ang akong kondisyon apan naglibog ko unsa ka dugay ang iyang giingong lumalabay kay wa may kausaban ang akong panan-aw sa pagpanglabay sa mga adlaw. Mosuka ko kon motindog. Nawad-an kos gana sa pagkaon ug misamot kog kaluya. Halos dili matandog ang pagkaon nga gihatod sa akong manghod nga usa ka freshman sa College of Engineering. Matrikula lang ang libre sa usa ka partial scholar, busa nanghugas siyag plato sa university cafeteria aron malibre sa pagkaon. Tiglimpyo sad siya sa baboyan sa College of Agriculture aron makasapi ug malibre pagpuyo sa usa sa mga cottage sa Aggie Village. Siya ang nagbantay kanako sa gabii ug matulog sa upper deck sa spring bed.

Nag-inusara sa university infirmary, dili matukib ang akong gibating kalaay busa gasa sa langit kon makabisita ang akong barkada sa College of Agriculture kay malingaw kos ilang hilas nga mga pasiaw ug hinambog nga mga estorya. Gusto nilang makagawas na ko aron makatan-aw sa umabutay nga James Bond movie, ang Thunderball, nga isalida sa pulgason nga mga sinihan sa dawontawon sa Marawi City.

Continue reading Pangamuyo sa Bag-Ong Tuig

Bespren

Fiction by | April 12, 2020

IGÒ pa lang pagsulod sa iyang amiga sa ganghaan sa ilang koral, nagtahap na dayon siya nga duna gyod kini problema nga dakô. Sa kadugay na sa ilang panaghigala sukad kaniadtong mga batà pa lang sila, halos mabasa na niya ang hunàhunà aning iyang amiga. Pagkakaron, iyang himatikdan nga morag huyhoy ang abaga niini nga naglakaw ug ingon sa nagsige rag dukô. Bug-at sab ang mga tikang niini, halos pinasagadsad ang mga tiil.

Nangabre dayon siya sa pultahan sa ilang sala bisan walâ pa kapangayog katahoran ang iyang bag-ong abot nga bisita, kinsa midayon ra sab nga walay tingog-tingog. Nilahos kini sa gamayng sala ug pinabundak nga milingkod sa sopa nga kutson dungan sa pagbuhì og taas nga panghupaw.

Giukay sa iyang bisita ang dalang bag nga gibutang sa tapad niini dinhà sa sopa. Ug gikan sa sulod sa bag gihulbot niini ang usa ka panyò. Gitangtang niini ang sul-ob nga shades ug gipahiran sa panyò ang nanglugmaw nga luhà sa mga mata.

Milingkod siya tapad sa iyang amiga ug gitutokan ang dagway niini. Nangutana siya, “Naunsa man intawon ka, bespren? Unsay imong gihilakan nga nanghubag man gyod nang imong mga mata?”

“Ang akong bana man god, bespren,” mitubag kini dala hingos.

“Ha? Unsa diay nahitabô sa imong bana?”

“Wa man siya naunsa pero naa koy nadunggan nga estorya,” nitibì ang iyang amiga ug ingon sa hapit na mobakhò.

“Unsa god nang estoryaha nga gihilakan man gyod nimo?”

Nidayón na gyod og bakhò ang iyang amiga kinsa miakbò sa iyang abaga ug migakos kaniya, “Naa kuno siyay babaye, bespren!”

“Unsa? Si Pabling nimo namabaye? Pagsyur, bespren, uy!” nakalitan siya sa gisulti sa iyang amiga.

“Lagi, bespren, mao nay gibalitâ sa akoa sa usa nakò ka kaila nga dunay higala nga nakakitâ gyod kuno kang Pabling nga naay kuyog babaye ug nisulod og motel.”

“Aw, maynalang nuon nang namabaye siya uy,” gipaagi niyag komedya ang tubag aron magaan-gaanan sa gibati niining kahigwaos ang iyang amiga. “Haylasbi og nanglakí nâ siya o namayot ba hinuon?”

“Ayg ing ana, Jo, ba,” dinhay gamay kaayong tipik sa pahiyom nga misul-ip sa nanghubag nga mga mata sa iyang amiga. “Tininuod bayâ ning akoa.”

“Bitaw, Beng, klaro man nga tininuod nang imo. Pero dyok-dyok lang god ko para dili sab ka masobrahag padala anang imong gibatì.”

“Salamat sa imong effort, Jo. Mao gyod nâ nga bespren tika ba,” medyo nikutat na ang bul-og sa kahigwaos sa iyang amiga.

“Kinsa man gyod diay kunoy nakakitâ sa imong bana nga nagkuyog og babaye pasulod sa motel?”

“Wâ ko kaila. Basta kaila sa akong usa ka amiga nga maoy nag-estorya nakò.”

“Segurado gyod kahâ nga si Pabling tong nakit-an sa kaila sa imong amiga? Giunsa man niya pagkaseguro nga si Pabling gyod to? Close gyod diay sila adto ni Pabling? Ug kanus-a man pod kuno niya nakit-an? Adlaw ba to, kilom-kilom o gabii na?”

“Ambot pod, Jo,” gilubag-lubag ni Beng ang gigunitan niini nga panyò.

“Na! Basin bayag nagpatakà ra to siyag estorya. O tingalig nadugangan o natuis na ang estorya pagsugid ani sa imong amiga. Ingon bayâ sa mga tiguwang nga ang sud-an kon ipadala lagmit kuhaan, pero kanang estorya na ganì maoy ihatod segurado gyod nga dugangan.”

Walâ motingog si Beng. Igò ra kining nitutok sa kaugalingong mga palad nga gibukhad dinhà ibabaw sa iya ra pod nga paa nga gihapinan sa hinikyad nga panyò nga umóg sa luhà.

Mipadayon si Jo, “Ayaw god dayon og tuo-tuo anang mga hatod-hatod nga estorya, bespren, uy. Walâ pa ganì nimo masegurado kon tinuod ba ang estorya, grabe na dayon nimong emote. Uroy simbako og ma-heart attack ka unyà dilì diay tinuod ang estorya bi? Matigok ka lang sa way hinungdan anang kalakiha.”

“Delikado man sab og ma-heart attack ko kon akò rang iluom ang akong kahigwaos.”

“Aw, hinuon pod. Pero ayaw lang god palabig emote dayon uy. Make sure usâ nga true ang balitâ nga imong nadungog. Pangitag proof! Ayaw og dalî-dalî!”

Giagda niya si Beng ngadto sa kosina aron mangaon sa iyang linutò nga binignit. Kahibalo siya nga pagkaon ang usa sa labing epektibong pangpakalma sa iyang amiga, ug tayming pa gyod nga naa siyay binignit nga paborito niini nga wala pa nahatod ngadto sa iyang mga suking tindahan.

Continue reading Bespren

Secret Waters

Fiction by | March 15, 2020

I woke up to discover that the world has moved on. My family was gone and I was left behind with dust, dryness, and endless death. I have become the princess of a dead kingdom.

It was long since this planet has stopped moving, and that the sun stayed glued in its position in the sky. Its glare followed me like an accusing eye in the sky, shining down on me and these empty husks of trees in perpetual heat. The vistas were cracked and desolate like the skin of a dried insect in the arid dessert.

Days passed—or maybe eons or minutes—but I could not tell the difference. With the constant sun above, time was an illusion, like thought or memory. I have not slept since I woke up. I discovered I could no longer sleep. My dreams have fled me.

Mirages came and went with the heat. Running and stumbling, I would chase after them, but they would move away, teasing me with their promise of water. Eventually, I stopped running.

I discovered a puddle near a withered, gnarled tree. It was a dark silver circle—sparkling amidst the dryness of the land. I scooped some, the water clear and cool in my hand, then I drank it, savoring the liquid bliss. Suddenly I heard faint whispers coming from the waters’ dark surface. The whispers sound familiar to me as if I’ve heard them before? Is that my family? My mom promising me that they’ll see me soon? Wanting to hear more, I leaned closer, plunging my whole face into the water.

Beneath the water was a night sky—black with a scatter of flickering stars. Their lights beckoned me to come and I dived in, full body. I swam through its waters as if I was flying in the sky. I flipped and tumbled, weightless in my flight.

A school of winged fishes flew with me—glistering silver bodies glowing in the darkness. They guided me through the night and led me to my dreams. As I saw my dreams, it felt like coming home. My dreams held me like a lost lover.

I forgot the dry kingdom I had wandered on. I could not live on dry earth when my heart dreams to be with the stars. This is my home—the night, the stars, and the embrace of my lost dreams.


Ely Case Colao Jr. is a nurse from Davao City. He is heavily drawn to works of fantasy and horror by writers such as Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, and Lemony Snicket. He hopes to someday publish a novel. 

Downsizing (Part 2)

Fiction by | March 8, 2020

Jacques begged her to stay, for them to try harder, for a chance to make it up to her. He apologized, even offered to quit his job though Sally knew that it was more for his sake than hers. It would have been easier for him to avoid this coworker altogether than to wrestle with the urge to act on his feelings just so he could come home to his wife with a clear conscience (or at least as clear as the conscience of any who had fallen out of love for their spouse).

Her Nanay cried on the phone when she told her. But why? What did you do? She needed to know where her own daughter could have possibly fallen short in the wife-hood for which she had carefully prepared her. You have to give him a chance, Sally! Your luck runs out after a certain age. You can never find one as good as Jacques! Marriage is about commitment, not bailing out at the first signs of trouble. It’s about trusting. Compromising. Forgiving, her mother said.

Sally was not sure where falling-in-love-with-someone-else-but-not-acting-on-it and self-preservation fit in her mother’s creed of marriage.

I left him, ‘Nay! I packed my bags! Sally wanted to scream back at her but bit her tongue, afraid of upsetting her mother even more. I told you so, her mother said, never trust other women around your husband. He’s a catch! Any girl would take every chance they can get to snag a white man, her mother said between sobs.

Their next-door neighbor, whom Sally had only befriended on account of a shared fence, concluded that it had to be their childlessness. Did you try to send orayer petitions to the nuns over at Pink Sisters? They work miracles for those hoping for a child, she said as she watched Sally stuff her boxes and bags on the back of a rented truck. Men stay when there are kids, she said.

Her friends had been less merciful when they learned about their separation. You should have beaten the shit out of that bitch, they said. You can never trust any woman these days. And, you could at least have kicked Jacques in the balls, Sally. That would have shown him to keep it in his pants.
Oh, but he did. At least he said he did.

And whose fault was it, really, that her husband fell for someone else? Her barren ovaries? Her modest sexual preferences or her aversion to contour makeup and lingerie? And suppose she changed to fit these ideals, would it have been enough for Jacques to love her again? To make love to her without imagining another? For him to really want to kiss her without wishing it were someone else he was kissing instead?

For the better part of the last three months, she oscillated between feeling angry and sad, trying and failing to find anyone or anything at which to direct her emotions. She had refused to talk to Jacques, and he had started coming home less frequently, taking more out-of-town assignments. And when he did come home, they played a game of hide-and-never-seek, always in rooms where the other was not. Once, they laid in bed sobbing quietly together, grieving the death they could not prevent.

Finally, a month ago she made her intentions known: she was moving out and needed two weeks alone at home to prepare for her leave. They sent the dog away to one of their friends and Jacques rented a transient unit to give her all the time and space she needed.

In those two weeks, Sally avoided sleeping on their bed, preferring instead the discomfort of the ratty couch in the living room. The old sofa had been kept for sentimentality, a piece of the old apartment from before they got married. They had watched countless movies there together, shared take-out food when she was too lazy to cook and made love on it during the happier seasons of their lives.

Jacques had insisted she keep the house. It was hers legally, after all. But how could she? Jacques was everywhere and all over. The paint stains on the bathroom tiles when he painted the shelves. The squeaky door hinges he had never gotten to greasing. The dent on the wall from when he moved the ottoman to the bedroom. She wondered whether Jacques would feel the same about living in the house without her, felt a twinge in her heart at the possibility he would not.

When she was packing her things, she spent more than two hours just staring at their clothes in their shared closet. Throughout their marital woes, Jacques had meticulously kept it neat; he folded and hung everything as he had always done on happier days. He had always been proud of how great he was in the art of folding clothes, a skill he had mastered from working part-time in a clothing store while in college. Their trousers and shirts looked like they belonged to a store window.

She scanned the length of their closet, avoiding the white box that laid at the bottom-left corner. In it was the white dress she had had made especially for their city-hall wedding and the restaurant-reception that followed. There were many happy tears that day, every single one in attendance overcome with joy that they had finally tied the knot. More than that, there was an air of relief – from her friends who thought they had taken too long, and especially from her mother who could now breathe easy knowing that her daughter no longer had to sell herself short by living with a man without the security of marriage; that though it was a “bargain wedding”, it was still a wedding nonetheless. Even the Mayor, an old friend of the family’s, expressed relief when he ordered Jacques to finally kiss his bride.

She took just a few pairs of jeans, some shirts, and all of her work clothes, and stuffed them in her duffel bags, leaving the souvenir shirts and winter jackets untouched. And yet, even without most of her things, the closet looked like it always had. As if everything that belonged to her was never part of it to begin with.

With her clothes already picked, Sally moved to the spare bedroom which they had turned into an office, intending to fill the cardboard box she had marked BOOKS.

Their tables stood next to each other, his tainted with overlapping wet rings and scratches, hers neat and organized with its color-coded folders and pens arranged in cups. They had shared many quiet nights here: engrossed in their respective paperwork or filling each other in on the things they had missed while they were apart, looking every bit content in each other’s presence. It was the image of picture-perfect coexistence. She wondered whether there had been signs of decay in there somewhere, micro-ruptures and subatomic holes that she should have seen.

She turned her attention to the two shelves lining the walls, both bursting with the books they had acquired together over the years. Some of the layers sagged under the weight of their contents.
It was impossible to know whose books are whose; everything was labeled Mathieu. Some had SAM for Sally Annabel Mathieu, but most were simply labeled by their shared last name; she and Jacques both had a penchant for desecrating books with their names and dogears. She ran her fingers on the spines of their paperback collection, feeling the creases from being read and reread.

Out from the corner of her eye peeked a hardbound book, its jacket missing, tucked under Jacques’ copy of a Madeleine Albright memoir.

Sally immediately recognized the book and grabbed it. It was a used copy of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ she had bought at someone’s going away garage sale years and years ago. Before she had met Jacques. Before she became Sally Mathieu. And there on the first page, just under the neat longhand of its original owner, she recognized her own handwriting: Sally Anabel Gomez.

She bought the unillustrated, unabridged copy though she had read the Ladybug illustrated edition countless times as a kid. It was the only book from her old collection at home that she brought over when she moved in with Jacques.

That time seemed so long ago now. When Sally was just Sally, when she did not have to consider Jacques’ opinion on the particularities of things bought and discarded. When her name was just her own.

She took the book and packed it with her clothes, the labeled box left empty in the middle of the room.

The unbearable noontime heat snapped her out of her reverie, forcing her to stand up and turn the air conditioner on. She scanned the length of the apartment, arms akimbo, and decided that she had to start somewhere.

So, she grabbed a piece of rag from the package that laid on the sink, filled a basin with soapy water and proceeded to wipe the closet, gray from years of neglect and desolation. Clearly this part had been overlooked by the landlord who had promised to prepare the unit for her arrival. The water turned the color of mud as she wiped the shelves, dust bunnies dissolving into gunk and mush and sediments floating in the basin. Several rags and a couple of swipes later and out emerged a clean pale-yellow shade, inching closer to what she imagined was its original off-white paint. Better. Much better, she thought, smiling contentedly at her work.

A staccato of raps on the door broke the lull of the errand. When she opened, an official-looking man in grey polo-barong and black trousers greeted her.

“Mrs. Sally Mathieu?”

The identification card pinned on his lapel said he was from the embassy. Jacques’ lawyers. This must be the divorce papers.

Sally took the manila envelope from the messenger and tucked it under her left arm with one hand, and the man’s clipboard and pen with the other. On the dotted line under the label Received By, she signed, Sally Anabel M… then scratched the M with a single line, writing instead the familiar strokes of a name she had not used in years.

Sally Annabel Gomez.

 

 


Hannah Rae Villarba was born and raised in Digos City. She currently works from her home office in Davao City

 

Downsizing (Part 1)

Fiction by | March 1, 2020

The last ten years had come to this, with her crammed on the old sofa in a box of an “apartment,” her body aching in various points from having slept in odd positions and where the springs poked through the couch’s thinning faux leather cover. This dying piece of furniture and a couple of carton boxes plus two duffel bags were all that was left of her marriage to Jacques.

Ten years had come to this. Just this. Sally could have kept everything they’d acquired together. Jacques would not have put up a fight. She could have taken the imitation bone china that she dearly loved, bought four Christmases ago on a visit to Strasbourg. Or the luggage set they had bargained for less than a hundred Euros in a street market in Venice the summer after their wedding. Authentic leather. Better than Louis Vuitton, really, the seller had said, his accent thick like the many cups of ciocolatta calda they had shared on that trip. She could even have taken Levin, their overweight beagle mix who, she now realized, would not have fit in this new space anyway.

Sally stretched her arms, careful not to knock over the stack of boxes that stood precariously overhead; her eyes, sticky and sore from oversleeping, adjusted with difficulty to the harsh midday sun that seeped in through the only two windows of the apartment in one of the many obscure little alleyways snaking through Uyanguren.

She gave her new home a sweeping look, examining the water stains on the ceiling and the imprints of dried up adhesives on the wall, feeling alien and gigantic in this tiny space. It is no wider than the full length of Jacques’ arm span; in its entirety it amounted to just a little over the size of their conjugal bedroom. Not that the house she had shared with her almost ex-husband was big – it was a humble two-bedroom bungalow in Ulas that they had moved into right after their wedding. It’s just that this room was small. The couch would have to go if she ever wanted a bed.

On one corner was a plain, industrial-looking aluminum sink with two floating cupboards above and two underneath, and next to it the door leading to the toilet and bath so small there was no point buying a shower curtain. On the other end of the apartment was a small built-in cabinet with a few layers of shelves on one side and a narrow space for hangers on the other; at the bottom a lone, boxy drawer with a missing handle. The closet left barely enough space for the door to open fully.

And on what little space she had left on the floor was her assortment of odds and ends, boxed and bagged remnants of her recently ended marriage. It had been days since she moved in. Her luggage was still strewn on the floor in various stages of disarray; next to it the heap of her used clothes, exposing the haphazard abandon with which they were tossed. There were a million things to be done – the cupboards were empty, the closet dirty, and she did not have a working internet connection. She needed to get some pans, maybe find a bed and some real pillows to replace the neck pillow she’d been using, buy a refrigerator that would fit, change her digital passwords and get her own bank account – things that a couple of years ago had excited her so as a young girl fresh out of college. She had felt like a true adult for the very first time then, going through the aisles of the home needs section of the old NCCC not far from where she now lived, carefully calculating and stretching what her first job’s salary could get for her first apartment. Doing these things filled her with dread now, imagining what people must think of a nearly middle-aged woman buying cutlery and tableware for one and the smallest rice cooker on sale, filling a house that was not even a house. She dreaded it so that she had settled only for whatever the supermarket offered her by way of home trappings, leaving the rest for when she had gathered enough confidence or need, whichever came first.

He had insisted that there was never an affair; that he never even touched her beyond polite handshakes and friendly hugs. This, even when they had spent many out-of-town trips to the South, and late nights together at work. He had described her only as a friend, a new colleague at the firm where he worked as a consultant for an international NGO. Yet, no matter how generic and harmless his descriptions of her were, there was no denying the twinkle in his eyes when he spoke of her, betraying the smile that his mouth had managed to conceal.

And then there was the silence and his inability to look her in the eye when Sally had finally summoned enough courage to ask him if he loved this woman. That was all she needed to see.

You should have tried harder to keep him, she was told. Should have been more adventurous in bed. That’s what white men love. As if coital acrobatics were all that was needed to secure a marriage’s success.

Maybe you’d let yourself go – foreigners get bored with plain wives, they said. You should have shown him you’re fun and liberated, wore more revealing clothes. It’s always the losyang ones who get jilted. And yet in the same breath they also said, but did you cook him great meals? The way to a man’s heart, you know. They choose Pinays because we are traditional and domesticated.
“Like submissive lap dogs?” she had wanted to ask.

Did you fight for him, tell him you’d love him better if he picked you? Did you even give him a chance to choose? He would surely have picked you, he is too decent not to!

And yet, they also said, Sally, you’re so lucky you can actually divorce him. Getting annulled in this country is its own circle of hell.

“Lucky. Yes, I must be lucky,” she thought.

Did you try therapy? They pried some more.

They did. They spent thousands of pesos on couples’ therapy sessions. Sex heals, the therapist had said. Try it when you’re ready. She was just short of telling Sally to fuck her husband back to loyalty.

Still, they tried. She and Jacques had spent one long evening in the middle of those tumultuous months, lying side by side in bed, hands just close enough to feel the other person, before Jacques made a move on her. He touched her, his long, bony fingers gently sliding along her forearm. Up and down. Up and down.

And then they kissed, first in small reluctant pecks on the shoulder, the neck, then on the mouth, like two teenagers exploring the act for the very first time in their lives, seeking and calculating before succumbing to ones of more animal greed, of tongue against tongue and skin and hair.

Then Jacques stopped and sobbed. His body shook as he clung on to Sally, his fingers gripping her bare clavicle. Sally laid there under Jacques’ clutch, half-naked and motionless, fat tears rolling down her face in full recognition of this finality.

To be continued…

 


Hannah Rae Villarba was born and raised in Digos City. She currently works from her home office in Davao City.

Hangyo

Fiction by | February 16, 2020

Saba kaayo ang bata sa dihang adunay nituktok sa among tindahan. Gibutang nako ang gahilak nga bata sa kuna dayon gisuong among tindahan. Nangutana ko unsay iya. Ingon ang nangayo, “Bai, imong anak nang batang gahilak? Puyde ako na na? Akong kaunon.”

Gilili nakog maayo ang nangayo. Aswang man diay ni. “Uy!” Nakuratan kunuhay ko. “Na! Sorry kaayo. Ika-tulo na gyud ka ba nga nihapit dires amo. Sorry kaayo gyud. Di gyud puydi.”

“Si Marcos man ko.” Ingon to nako. “Imong bana man tong natagak sa baybay tung niageng gabii, dili ba? Ako tong nipunit niya.”

“Ahw! Diay ba! Ali. Sulod sa.” Nisuong kog balik pasulod sa among gamayng sala. Hapit pa ko matakilpo kay natamakan nako akong malong nga nios-os. Giablehan nako ang mubong gate nga kahoy. “Ali. Kape?”

“Sige. Palihog. Salamat.” Nidayon ang aswang. Gihubo iyang itom nga sapatos. Nisulod nga nagmedyas. Ningsuong kay tangkad man ang aswang para sa sakto ra namong pultahan. Nilingkod sa sala unya gilingi ang kuna kung asa tua akong anak. “Wa pa ni bulan?”

“Pulo ka adlaw.” Tubag nako. Nahimong kusog kaayo ang kiling-kiling sa kutsarita sa tasa. “Ginapanid-an na mi nimo?” pangutana nako samtang gakaraw.

“Wa man sad. Karong semanaha ra man ko nibalik dires Tibungco. Sa una, sige gyud ko dire, katong wa pa kaayoy mga balay. Wa pa nang hospital dira. Labayanan pa nag lawas nang Bustamante. Karon, lahi na kaayog nawng.”

“Dire mo tig pangayog bata sa unaha?” Gidunol nako ang init pang kape.

“Katong sa unaha pa gyud. Apan katong naa nay eskuylahan dire, wa na kaayo. Basta naa man guy maestra—“

“Ah! Tunong? Mu-kuan man tog mga aswang, dili ba?” Nihinay akong tingog sa mga ulahing mga pulong kay murag lain man to isulti: mupatay man tog mga aswang, dili ba?

“O! Kabalo lage ka? Di man nuon tanang maestra. O maestro. Depende ra.” Nihigop ang aswang sa kape. “Kabalo lage ka ana?”

“Kabalo-kabalo lang pod gamay. Tingala man gud ko ba labaw na tong kaisa kay naay nibisita nga maestro dira sa silingan, nikilat ra mag kalit, bisan way uwan, unya sayo pa sa hapon.” Murag wa na naminaw nako ang aswang. Tua iyang mata sa kuna. “Uy, kanang sorry kaayo ha.”

“Puyde ko muduol niya?”

Nisugot ko. Kaming duha nagtan-aw sa batang gadidi sa bibiron.

Nawng ra sa bata ang gibilin nako nga wa nabalot og panapton. Nagpitok-pitok na ang mata sa bata.

“Pareha mog nawng.” Ingon sa aswang.

Nakatawa ko gamay kay nakahinumdom kos pasiaw nga di daw lage anak sa akong bana ang bata kay wa gyuy paila sa iyang dagway. Naundang akong ngisi kay naay niayo. “O. Kadali lang.” Nilingi ko usab sa aswang. “Uy, unsa gane tong ngalan nimo? Mark?”

“Marcos.”

“Marcos. Tama. Kadali lang ha.”

Nipalit og Tanduay tong palahubog nga kainom sa akong bana tong isang gabii. Nahubog gyud to akong bana maong nahulog siya sa baybay. Maayo na lang tua sa lawod akong bana karon. Naa pa to dire, nag-inom na ni sila.

“Hoy! May ra gyud kag inom ba! Gipasagdan ra nimo akong bana tong isang gabii! Nahulog hinuon siyas baybay!”

“Ikaw daw gukdog iro nga hastang dakua unya hastang puwaha pa gyuds mata, di ba ka mudagan! Imong bana man sad, inom-inom, dali ra diay malipong!”

“Akong bana pa gyud imong basulon. Ikay nidani niya!”

“I-regards ra kong Masood. Ingna ni-eksibisyon daw siyas baybay. Ingna “na-sud” siyas buslot.” Nikatawa rang amaw.

“Ambot nimo. Ayaw nag daniha akong bana! Di na ka kautang ron.”

Pagbalik nakog suong sa sala, tua na sa may pultahan si Marcos, nagsuot na sa iyang sapatos. Karon lang ko kamatikod nga nindot ang tabas sa iyang gray nga slacks.

“O? Mulakaw na ka? Manihapon sa ta.”

Nakatawa ang aswang sa akong ingon. Dayon hinay-hinayng nawala sa iyang aping ang ngisi. “Salamat. Salamat sa pagpadayon nako.”

“Salamat pod kay gipunit nimo akong bana. Imo pa gyud gihatod dire. Ikaw tong naghatod niya, dili ba?”

“O. Ako to. Katuod pa man siya. Naglisod ra siyag lakaw.”

Nabalaka man nuon ko kung asa karon makakaon ang aswang. “Unya, asa man ka karon? Pasensya gyud kaayo. Naa may manok dire pero sobra man nis kanduli.”

Nahuman nag suot sa sapatos ang aswang. “Nag-kanduli diay mo.” Nilili ang aswang balik sa sulod sa balay. “Nag-ubad dire?” Nagpundo iyang mata sa akong malong, murag wa na siya naghulat sa akong tubag. Human nabantayan sa aswang ang mubong palmera sa iyang kilid. “Daliday. Mao diay humot. Nag-ubad gyud diay.”

“O. Maayo lage kay humot ang daliday!” Nalipay ko sa dihang nakahinumdom kos kahumot sa bulak tong pag-ubad. “Aron makabalay sad mig dako oy.” Abi nakog nawala na ang humot pero nasimhutan pa gyud diay sa aswang.

Giplastar sa aswang ang kuwelyo sa iyang dark blue nga long sleeve. “Okay ra bitaw. Salamat. Di man sad ko ingon nga mamatay nas kagutom.” Nipahiyom gamay ang aswang. “Busog man ko ba. Lahi ra gyud akong bation inig makasimhot kog bata. Kanang maghalo bitaw ang baho sa pulbos ug dugo. Lami mukitkit sa bus-ok nga bukton. Unya ang tam-is-tam-is nga lasa sa liog kung asa nitulo ang gatas nga bag-ohay rang gididi. Kalami bitaw unta oy.”

“Sorry gyud, ha?”

“Ay seg sorry oy.” Nagngising nigawas sa among gamayng gate ang bisita unya ning lili dayon sa tindahan. “Bitaw. Salamat. Adto sa ko.”

Human nako makita nga nawala na ang bisita sa dalan, nakahinumdom ko sa akong anak sa kuna.

Gikuha nako akong selpon ug gipiktyuran si Ayshah. Sayang. Nakalimot kog picture sa aswang.

 


Frank lives in Davao and teaches in a school in Tibungco.

Tsunami

Fiction by | January 12, 2020

“Naa lage tsunami!” segun ni Boboy samtang nakig-estorya kang Jokjok nga toa nagbarog sa tunga sa dalan paingun sa bukid sa Kansan. Gidala niini ang iyahang tarak-tarak ug usa ka galon sa ketsap nga gisudlan og tubig.

“Boy! Dali na! Pagdali!” singhag sa inahan nga si Maricel nga nagkabaguod intawun sa mga kabtangan niini. Gibaba niini ang usa kadako nga bag ug sako nga sa tan-aw ni Jokjok mga sanina ang sulod. Naa sab ang manghod ni Boboy nga si Bebang nga toa mikulapyot sa hawak sa iyahang inahan. Mitan-aw kini niya. Unya niukok. Tingalig naulaw.

Pagduol ni Boboy sa iyahang inahan, gikusi dayun siya niini sa dalunggan.

“Agay! Agay Mang!” agulo sa iyahang kadula.

Hasta si Jokjok nahiiktin og apil. Morag nabati sab niya ang kasakit sa tiyabaw sa higala. Maayo nalang naabot ang papa ni Boboy.

“Husto na Maricel” nadungog niya nga ingun ni Angkol niya Balong unya gisung-ay niini si Bebang dayon gitapik niini ang ulo ni Boboy. Mingisi sab kini niya.

“Di pa mo manghawa Jok?” pangutana niini.

Hilaw ang ngisi ni Jokjok unya nitalikod ug nagdagan-dagan pauli sa ilahang balay.

Bag o lang milinog sa ilahang lugar. Kusog kaayo. Nahagbong ang ilahang family picture nga gibutang sa usa kaframe ibabaw sa ilahang dibayder, nabungkag kini, ilahang TV nga surplas hapit sab madani maayo na lang maoy una gigakos ni Jokjok tong miuyog ang yuta niadtong gabhiuna. Karon kay naglinog na pod.

Nakita ni Jokjok sa balita nga nangatumpag ang bilding sa ubang eskuylahan, nangaliki sab ang yuta sa kadalanan. Nakaingon siya nga maayo na lang nipa ilahang balay, kon ugaling matumpagan sila, dili man gihapon sila madat-ugan. Pero nabalaka siya sa giasoy sa higala nga si Boboy.

Naa daw Tsunami. Tsunami, dagkong balod, mas dako pa sa balay, sa punuan sa lubi, dako pa sa bangka, dako sa katanan! Tapos mulunop, malumos ang tanang tawo. Nahadlok si Jokjok tungod kay dili siya kabalo molangoy. Dugay na pod wala sa ilang balay ang iyahang papa, tuas Basilan kay sundalo man kini. Pero ingon sa mga tawo naa na daw kini uban nga pamilya maong dili na ni mobalik sa ilaha. Tua na daw ni sa tinuod niya nga asawa ug anak.

Pasulod pa lamang si Jokjok sa ilahang tugkaran misiyagit siya sa kusog.

“Mang! Mang!” tawag niini sa iyahang inahan nga si Lorna nga tua nagpalo-palo sa mga nilabhan sa may bomba.

“Asa man ka gikan?” gisigahan siyag mata niini.

“Mang, ninghawa na ra ba silang Boboy, nga atong silingan god, sila Angkol Balong kay naa daw tsunami” sugilon ni Jokjok sa inahan.

Morag niulbo si Lorna sa pagkadungog sa giasuy sa iyahang anak. Daghan pa siyag gihuna-huna dugangan pa gyod sa nagpabadlong nga anak.

“Saba diha! Maayo pag tabangan ko nimu manghayhay dinhi unya,” matod pa niini.

“Mang ba!” segun ni Jokjok nga nagkisi-kisi, dili madrowing ang nawung niini.

Nangwaswas na iyahang mama Lorna ug toa gihapon siya nagyampungad sa kilid sa bomba, naghulat sa iyahang inahan. Mora na kinig bata nga nagbisgo kay wala mapalitan og dulaan.

“Mang ba, naa lage daw tsunami!” ngaab niini.

“Di gani ka mohilum diha run, katilaw ka”, singhag sa babaye, mas nikusog pa ang pagpalopalo niini.

“Asa diay si Papang god diay!” singka ni Jokjok sa inahan.

Wala na makapugong ang mama ni Jokjok, gikuha niini ang palo-palo og aksyunan na untag bunal ang anak. Apan nadungog niini nga naghinagudlos si Iyo Dandoy paadto sa ilaha.

“Lorna! Lorna! Pamutos na kay ang dagat niatras daw ingon ni Sidong nga taga-baybay! Pastilan!” segun niini sa iyahang inahan.

Nabuhian ni Lorna ang palo-palo.

“Diyos ko. Tsu-tsunami! Si Ernan toas lawud!” segun sa iyahang inahan nga nagkara-kara og sulod sa ilahang balay. Hapit pa kini mapandol sa bangkito nga gilingkuran niini. Gibiyaan niini ang iyahang nilabhan.

Wala maka-ik si Jokjok.

Gilumsan sa kahilom ang palibot apan ang kasingkasing ni Jokjok napusga sa dagko kaayong mga balod, mas dako pa sa tsunami, mas dako pa sa balay, sa punuan sa lubi, mas dako pa sa dako nga bangka, dako ug bug-at sa katanan.

Taud-taod, gikuha niya ang nilabhan sa iyahang inahan, gipug-an kini niyag tubig unya gihayhay.


Hannah Adtoon Leceña is a high school teacher and spoken word artist from Kiamba, Sarangani. She was a fellow for fiction at the 2018 Davao Writers Workshop and at the 3rd Bathalad–Sugbo Creative Writing Workshop (2019).