I looked at the cracked skin under my nails. A lifetime of nail-biting had caused a constant prickle on my fingertips. I’d grown used to it, like most pains.
I inhaled the cigarette I had just lit. I hated the smell of tar. It burned my nose the same way gasoline did whenever the family car was refueled. Synthetic, acrid. Addictive. At gas stations, I would lean my head out the car window to inhale the fumes in secret before Mom slapped me back inside for wasting the air-conditioning. I hadn’t seen her in five years.
The sun was barely rising as I reflected on the past few days. An anthropologist friend and I had traveled to the uplands to film a documentary on the Obu Manuvu and their New Year practices. It was a beautiful community gathering. Their cultural attire danced in waves of color. The embers glowed so hot I could taste the roasted native chicken in the air. The Datu chanted prayers of thanksgiving in the rites of Panubaran. Great care was taken to preserve and pass down these ancestral practices to future generations. As I watched the children play while their parents prayed along in thanksgiving, the Datu’s words echoed in my mind.
“Let us not throw away our family’s own culture. It will fight for us.”
Even before I ran away, New Year’s with my family was never as vibrant as the feast I had witnessed. But our simple celebration carried hearty meals, shared laughter with my siblings, and Mom’s prayers for each of us. We were not a family big on tradition, but every year after media noche, we would gather in the living room to watch movies. It was warm and delightful. It was home.
Since leaving, I spent New Year’s Eve alone. Once, I attended a party hosted by a friend on New Year’s for those he called “friends without families.” But I had a family. One that, like many things I’d gotten used to, occupied less mental space as the years passed. I knew my heart missed them. I had settled into a life alone by running away from past hurts, but I also ran from those I valued — a family I would fight for.
The sunrise had kissed my skin when I stomped out the cigarette. My last, I told myself. I had made a mental checklist of movies I wanted to watch with my family when my friend asked if I was ready to go home.
I was.
Edwin “Ed” David J. Priete is a filmmaker, educator, and media producer from Davao City whose stories focus on social impact, mental health awareness, and cultural identity. A BA Communication and Media Arts graduate of UP Mindanao, he explores themes of trauma and recovery in his works, which have been featured and screened locally and internationally.
