If it were sinful to leave one’s hometown,
we would all be sinners when we escape
the places that raised us,
where we first memorized the bends,
the ins and outs of every street,
dreamed to become someone
we barely understood as a child,
and learned to love without expectations.
We leave and betray the cities
that taught us to wipe our own tears
and wash off our bruises
whenever we fell off our bicycles.
We leave and carry our past mistakes,
disappointments, fears, and heartbreaks,
and pray to bury them somewhere.
If it were sinful to leave one’s hometown,
Caloy would be a sinner, too,
when he left Cotabato for wider skies.
It’s only a five-hour bus ride away,
yet two years have passed since
he last went home.
Here, he resides in a white concrete
apartment, a quiet space for devotion.
The soft foam bed lets him sleep
without other warm bodies
pressed against his, without the noise
of his neighbors’ karaoke
that wakes him at night.
Here, he can truly be himself.
There is no need to pretend,
to lower his voice to sound
as deep as his father’s and uncles’,
nor does he have to fear getting caught
watching two male lovers kiss
on his favorite TV series,
the way he used to hide in their bodega.
One hundred forty-five miles
to forget their empty pockets,
to forget home even for a moment.
Back in Cotabato, a cacophony echoes
through the dilapidated plywood walls
and patched iron sheet roofs.
From the siren-like cries
of his two-year-old brother
who begs for another bottle of milk,
to the ear-splitting screams of his mother
after a night of his father’s loss in sabong.
She fumes across an empty dinner table,
a helpless howl for her children
who probably dream of fried chicken
and spaghetti in their sleep.
If it were a commandment of God
to stay in one’s hometown,
Caloy would accept immorality
as the price of leaving
for the promise of relief.
He harbors his old hopes and dreams
as he takes to the road
through crests and steep slopes,
hoping the journey
leads him closer to the
horizon
Mark Lhoyd D. Tampad is a creative writing student at the University of the Philippines-Mindanao. When not staring at his unfinished readings and half-written poems and stories, he enjoys watching different genres of films and rating them on Letterboxd.