Jokes You Can Use When You Have A Dead Father

Poetry by | December 8, 2025

  1. Have you seen my dad? I haven’t either, ever since he followed the light.
  2. My dad always preached about Jesus when I was young. He kept telling stories about the goodness of that son of God. He was dying to be with him. So, once the two of them met, he never came back.
  3. I have been taller than my father since I was 11 years old. He didn’t have a condition that restricted him from growing; he was just six feet under the ground. 
  4. I haven’t been able to contact my father lately. Perhaps they ban phones in heaven.
  5. My old man would not be proud of who I am today. But I don’t mind. What is he going to do, rise from his grave? 

When your audience hesitates to let out a laugh or even a chuckle, as if you can pluck the expression of pity from their faces, you can throw these lines to dispel the tension in the air: 

  1. Don’t feel bad. 
  2. You can find it funny. 
  3. It doesn’t bother me anymore. 
  4. Anyway, he was gone longer than the time we shared together.
  5. My dad will not haunt you. He doesn’t even visit me in my dreams. 

Laurehl Onyx B. Cabiles is a writer from Cotabato, Province. He has been a fellow of the Sox Writer’s Workshop (2023), NAGMAC-YWS (2024), and Ateneo de Davao Summer Writers Workshop (2024), and Davao Writers Workshop (2025). 

 

Hacks for Hunting and Selling Spiders

Poetry by | October 20, 2025

When I used to collect spiders, I learned a few
hacks how to hunt and prepare them for selling:

When the night strikes, look for the one
your gut tells you is the suitable

for fighting. While that eight-legged insect
spreads her appendages, waiting for food

to press weight in her strings, toss a house
spider into her web, and wait until she defends

her territory. When you sense that they are busy
with their conflict that is the right moment to grab

them both, and put them in a cage. Open it
the next day, and check if she is sucking dry

the bait. Find a stick where she can crawl to expose
her color, size, and tentacles. Examine her,

see if there are missing parts of her
body. If that product is in good condition,

starve her, and inject drugs in her system
to make her hungry for war. By the time

she moves slowly, as if every step
is calculated, and ready to bite

whatever is before her, you can start to think
of a fitting prize that you can place on her head.

Once that, too, is settled, you can pimp her
to a buyer who will make money out of her rage—

That is how easy it is to profit from
snatching someone from their own home.


Laurehl Onyx B. Cabiles is a writer from Cotabato, Province. He has been a fellow of the Sox Writer’s Workshop (2023), NAGMAC-YWS (2024), and Ateneo de Davao Summer Writers Workshop (2024), and Davao Writers Workshop (2025).