When you opened the door
And asked if you could stay inside,
I was happy.
Because you see, long before you decided
To twist the doorknob and fumble
For the light switch on the wall,
The idea
Of you staying with me
Had already planted itself deep into my chest and mind,
Nurtured by the sunlight I let in
Whenever I gazed at you through the windows
Wondering when you’d come.
“I can stay on the couch, I won’t be here too long anyway.” you said.
I didn’t even ask why.
I nodded silently.
If you only knew how much I wanted you to stay
In my room, where everything I am
Hung in walls and perched on desks and dusty windowsills
And hid in every crease of the sheets;
Things I wanted you to see.
My room where
Every whisper the world has ever heard
From me
Echoed back into screams extending
Every bit of my soul;
Sounds I wanted you to hear.
I let you stay on the couch anyway.
You even called it “home” once.
When was it that you decided to leave?
Was it when you peeked through the
Cracks of my bedroom door
And saw only soot and dust? You never told me.
And I guess I’ll never know.
It’s been years,
But it’s still the same way after you left.
Only now, cobwebs and dust are starting to claim the space
That you once claimed yours.
It makes me cough every now and then, of blood and dry earth,
But I can manage—I think I can—
To wait a little longer.
Don’t worry, I’ll leave the door open.
—
Ivan is a student of BS Architecture in UP Mindanao with an alarming addiction to milk bars.